The M3 Bearcast from Male Media Mind
The M3 Bearcast from Male Media Mind
Modern Dating Dynamics w/ Greg
Ever wondered what goes into preparing a podcast? Join us as we pull back the curtain and share the art of cultivating riveting topics and reveling in the beauty of unexpected twists in our conversations. We also put our two cents in on current events and dissect the baffling human tendency to make less-than-ideal choices.
The episode takes an intriguing turn as we delve into the realm of personal evolution. Cushioned by a compelling narrative from This American Life, we examine the profound impact of subjective reality on personal change and growth. From personal hardening or softening over time to the influence of becoming a grandfather on my disposition, we cover it all. And let's not forget our parallel narrative analysis of the iconic Golden Girls show.
Brace yourself for an unfiltered discussion on modern dating and the ever-evolving dynamics of relationships. We dissect the interplay of insecurities, confidence, societal influences, and the battle to discern appropriate from inappropriate insecurities. The compelling conversation extends to the realities of relationships, the staggering divorce rate, its unique impact on men, and the oscillation between risk and reward in relationships. We also discuss women's modern expectations of men and the role traditional gender roles play in shaping these perspectives. It’s a conversation you wouldn’t want to miss!
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I have the pleasure of trying to put together a podcast again, but with everything that's going on with the live stream, the thing I'm experimenting with is recording the bear cast over a live stream. So I got Greg here. He's working right now I'm working right now we're just taking a break in the middle of the day to record a few topics is how I prepare for the show. I prepare weeks in advance, right, and I'm not kidding when I introduce for topics that I say I have conversations with myself for days before the live stream. I'm like what's this about? What's that going to be? I'm just going back and forth.
Speaker 1:Of course, the last, the end of the topic at the end of the day, is never the way it turns on the show. It's never what I expect, right. But I always like when I'm watching a video and scrolling through TikTok and it'll remind me of something Greg said to me once oh, that's whatever. I wonder what he would say about that. And before I know it, I'm having a mirror conversation with Greg about this and I'm already prebutting what he's going to say to say that this isn't true, so I already got my arguments ready.
Speaker 1:I'm ready to go. But he never says what I think he's going to say.
Speaker 3:That is wonderful.
Speaker 1:That is very it's true, though I remember when I had that thing about loving lightly, I was ready for that argument. I'm ready to start arguing. I'm trying to trigger you to have the cool ass argument. Then you just like I'm with you.
Speaker 3:I'm going to tell you because we've been doing this for years and I know what you want me to do.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to make you mad.
Speaker 3:Yes, I know so, if you all guys, if you guys are so interested, go back and watch some old shows. I used to get really heated.
Speaker 1:And then I figured out it's always the best episodes, though it's always the best.
Speaker 3:Then I figured out he was.
Speaker 1:I'm golden Pulling my chain.
Speaker 3:He was gaslighting me. So yeah, basically real quick. The top of the news today is they still fighting over there, monica and Monica and Brandy still going up.
Speaker 1:I know I thought about this. We got to get someone who knows how to do AI to make that happen. Dude.
Speaker 2:I'm working on it, I'm working on it, I'm really working on it A friend of mine does it.
Speaker 3:Is back from vacation and saw the show and he's Greg. I threw up in my mouth, but that's what I have to find, because as long as it goes on in the news I have to find different variations. So Saturday tune in for Barbara and Shirley. But in other news as well, today at the top of the hour, jim Jordan is trying his damn this to be the speaker. I don't know who this would be.
Speaker 1:I heard that they were doing a vote that started just a few hours ago, right.
Speaker 3:Yeah, he didn't make the first round. Oh yeah, maybe they go 15. I don't know, maybe he doesn't get it, but there's someone else, this guy from North Carolina, but I don't know why they just didn't put the speaker pro temp in place and give him the powers and then so that's what I heard is their backup plan is to make the speaker pro temp.
Speaker 1:Is that what it's called? Yes, yes, there was yet. To give him all the powers of the speaker without actually having to nominate him to be speaker because he he doesn't want to be speaker, and he's a decent guy, so they don't want him to be speaker either.
Speaker 1:Because this is what's so crazy to me in politics right now. We're in a bad place when I agree with people who want to outlaw abortion with no exceptions for rape or incest. Because there was this I want to say it was a Tennessee congressman who said what. The one thing I want from the speaker's nominee is to just go up on the pulpit in the full Congress and say Joe Biden was the duly elected president of the United States. And we can't get that from either Scalise or Jordan. He just wants that. He just wants them to admit that the president actually won.
Speaker 3:He's in the damn White.
Speaker 1:House. That's crazy, right Right. How the fuck are we supposed to have a speaker of the House who doesn't even agree that the president is legit? That's fucking.
Speaker 3:So check with me. After four o'clock I gotta go. My daily dose of Nicole Wallace.
Speaker 1:And that dude is the most hardcore conservative. I want women to bleed out on the floor in the hospital guy yes, he is, and he sounds like he makes sense. Why are you all that? Why are you all to the right of him?
Speaker 3:And then you know what else I don't understand, and I really, I started listening. I watched the news earlier and then my assistant came in. I just started listening to what I turned it off, basically. And then what I did was I turned on Samira Joyce she's a wonderful young jazz artist because I, just because now even the Republicans are saying if we now need Jimmie Jordan, the House and the Senate is gone. Yeah.
Speaker 3:And so this was my thing all along, like as bad as you think. Mccarthy was Welcome. So that brings me to a thing. I'm working on a topic for a future show. Why do people always do the thing that's? Why is it human nature to do the worst thing for yourself? Why is it always Okay?
Speaker 3:I know some places to start and what happened was real quick. I'm sorry. What happened was well, I bought this because I have a friend of mine who chased this guy for literally years. He chased him for years and he through different relationships. This guy gave people STDs and STIs Just a bad dude and he did not stop. So the dude got arrested with the jail, so of course that was his time to jump in. So he wrote letters, they became a couple. I don't know how you're going to be a couple to jail, but it happens. Yeah, we had that topic before, but I like this guy.
Speaker 3:But then of course the guy came out and he did the same thing to my friend. He was in his credit and this was that, and then now he was to be like whoa, it's me, but it is why. Is it just human nature to pick the worst thing and not even do it for myself? I know, I tell myself I want to eat better in life until around 1130. And a Reese's Cup is calling my name Now I could just go over to go to sleep or I could not do that thing, but I know.
Speaker 1:I can tell you why, and the simple answer is that you are more complicated than you realize and so, like we have desires that are in conflict with one another, and some of those desires we accept and they are part of our ego, and other concepts are not a part of our ego, but they're still a part of us. So whenever you do these sort of self sabotage things, it's just aspects of yourself that you haven't integrated into your ego influencing your behavior. Even unconscious desires are still desires, and part of a lot of therapy and at least in certain types or certain modalities, is to trigger you and to bring out aspects of yourself that you would rather not be there.
Speaker 3:So that you can actually confront them. Yeah, have you ever. I guess, when we're describing this like sitting outside of yourself and you think it to yourself why in gay health did I do that? And you're like standing there with the cake in your hand or the knife in your hand or you've done this thing.
Speaker 1:You're more than your conscious attention. At the end of the day, like what you have awareness of, you're more than that. You always are limited to a certain perspective, and so there are aspects of yourself that you have never really encountered, or, if you have, only in passing, so that's part of it.
Speaker 3:Well, I don't know. I don't know Because you know I spent years in therapy. So now I feel bad because I feel like I should know all of you. You're never not.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's not possible. You can't have a perspective without a shadow right? You can't see in one direction without not seeing in the other.
Speaker 3:The one thing I realized when I've gotten older you know, the crazy that everything makes me cry, like literally every, and I hope it's not a neurological disease that I can't.
Speaker 1:That is, is that you're actually in touch with your emotions a little more. One of the things I was saying is you talk about things you suppress. As men, we are taught to suppress feelings that make us cry, and so now that you're more in touch with them, they just flow. You don't have control over how you feel.
Speaker 3:The other night the woman was on Japanese she was exclaiming how happy she was to be on Japanese. Oh my God, she's lived a life dream she's not on Japanese.
Speaker 1:It feels good to feel, though this is a funny thing. I don't know, it's not true. You know why. We pay damn good money to feel something right. Every time you go to the movies, every time you go to a theater show, whatever you go to a roller coaster, whatever the reason you go is because you want to be moved and feel, if you can get feeling from a fucking jeopardy thing. You are more wealthy than you realize because people pay really good money.
Speaker 3:And don't let it be a tear. I can't even go to certain kinds of movies anymore. I'm serious. I have to check my son I know, right, crazy. I'm going to admit this to the public. It's crazy. I was in tears at the damn Beyonce concert because I was like, oh no, how special is she? Look at her. Oh my God, I see them before I knew it's a little Beyonce. Her daughter came on there and I saw the pride in her face when her daughter came on there. I was like is the president?
Speaker 1:Oh my God, do you know how common that is, though? Yeah, for people to burst out in tears at concerts is very common actually.
Speaker 3:Well, because you're overwhelmed by the whole aspect of where you are but nigga, I'm just like it's so common.
Speaker 1:I'm surprised that people are not surprised by that. Basically, if there's a song or something that you have a connection to and you get closer to it, the beauty of it just is overwhelming.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know what I started doing. I started deleting dead people from my Facebook page. Like seriously like it's, and I find myself and I had to stop because I got to like dead person number five.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, you want to know what's crazier. Though I had a dead person. Add me on Telegram.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but that's okay.
Speaker 1:But no, they just been dead so long that their phone number is transferred to someone else. And then that person joined Telegram and it automatically adds you. I was like I probably need to delete that person's number out of my phone because now someone else has it. Yeah, that was disturbing, yeah.
Speaker 3:They get all kind of crazy texts. I'm sorry that you did Jimbug, I miss you. No, because when I went my cousin got arrested so they buried his cell phone with him. What Right, absolutely. And I'm like nigga, what. And then I saw his brother as well. He was on my plane. I just go in and keep on paying the bill and I call his voicemail and I look in. Wow.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you need to see a therapist on me. But, some of my whole thing is I just can't believe how soft I've gotten over the years and consequently, I can't believe how I commit myself to doing things that I just wouldn't have done as a younger Greg.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And I've just gotten to be a real pussy.
Speaker 1:Do you like who you are? Now I'm going to be fucking pussy. I'm just going to say do you like yourself more than you were in the past? Do you like pussy, greg, over hard Greg.
Speaker 3:No, listen, if I get 60, I'm going to be fucking Medea, I don't know. I'm just starting to get to know that it started with becoming a grandfather, if anything's going to soften you up in the world. And so then to now, I'm concerned about passing on everything I know to like, friends and family. So because I'm a consultant, I used to charge for everything, but now I just want success for everyone. You know what?
Speaker 3:I'm saying but I know how to do something and be successful at it. I don't think it should cost anybody those who want to know that. There are some people in my life who they would. They prefer the hard way, so God bless them. What can I do? But I just, I don't. Are all people that way? Is time goes. Do we all soften as time goes?
Speaker 1:No, I think if you've had, like I said, the softening, is because of the actions and the context and the things that you've done in your life. It's not something that just automatically happens.
Speaker 3:I think that is a more. So not everybody turns into big pussy.
Speaker 1:No, I think it could be the opposite too. I think people can get become even harder, especially if they can't catch a break, Like I really don't think. Yeah, I think it is appropriate to your situation. I think we adapt to our situation and so maybe at a certain point in your life a little bit of hardness is called for.
Speaker 3:And so do you watch the Golden Girls, Malcolm.
Speaker 1:I have obviously everyone OK, whatever.
Speaker 3:So I'm going to do a deep dive.
Speaker 1:It's been a minute. Yeah, I got you that Right.
Speaker 3:So those who are fans of the show, I thought I was going to grow old and be Freda Clarkson. Freda Clarkson is the name that nobody liked. She had the big tree on Richmond Street and she died at a city. Rose told her drop dead and she did.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:And she had no foreseeable friends or family, that thought, yeah, all my life I was like I'm really dirty and nasty and I have a bad disposition, but people always seem to like me. I'm like that's interesting. I was a bit of a commudant. But as I got older, I became more Rose and less Freda Clarkson.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, here's a. Here's a thought experiment, though, and I remember this is similar to the story of the Golden Girls, but this was on this American life and it was a story of a woman who was trying to help her neighbor who wouldn't leave her house. Like it was an older neighbor who, she noticed, never leaves her house. He gets everything delivered. She's oh man, oh my gosh, she's a shut in, like I need to go over there and help her as a caring neighbor, and she did everything she could.
Speaker 1:It was a frustrating battle how old people can be said in their ways, whatever but eventually she got her to come out of the house and I think it was for some sort of children's festival or whatever. She did some of the decorations or whatever. She was a seamstress, so she got her to make some of the outfits or whatever. And she they had this great festival and she was happy and she's okay. I got her out of the house and then she went right back in after it was over and she said don't ever fucking call me again.
Speaker 1:Don't ever call me again. I did this for the children because you blackmailed me. Go to the call. Oh yeah, and the moral of the story is you don't know her subjective reality. Maybe she was happy in her little bubble and you burst it and you think you're doing something good for someone, and she's no like. You put me in a situation I didn't want to be in and you were going to either make me come out of the house and help these children and leave them, or it's going to have to go back in the house and think about these children that I disappointed. Fuck you.
Speaker 3:It's so weight, so weight. That brings me to another. That brings me to another situation.
Speaker 1:Why do?
Speaker 3:we have the need to impose our thoughts of what we consider happy.
Speaker 1:On someone else.
Speaker 3:Because we think everyone is like us.
Speaker 1:We think everyone's like us. I remember it was a line, I think it was from pose, I can't remember. It was like the mother, one of the mothers bails the other one out of jail. Oh yeah, I know you remember she says one. You said your struggle is not my struggle, get this straight, you're not. It's like something about she has some conversation about her passing. For a woman she's like girl, your struggle is not my struggle. You think that I care about passing as a woman. I am a woman, thank you. We impose ourselves on other people, right, right.
Speaker 3:My struggle has been the last five, six months. I fell, I've been upstairs, but there is as extroverted as I can be. There's a part of me that's very much introverted and I don't mind. I have everything. You know, I have everything. I guess of course I'm not trying to be stuck in the house forever. It was nice. It was nice I got things done. We got hella work done for M3 and I just pulled the trigger on some things and I got to know myself a little bit. It's amazing how much I've changed at 50. I didn't realize I was like nigga, what? Yeah, it's just a thing. I still go back to the conversation that we had, because I really had to do a deep dive with my therapist about the conversation that you and I had about me changing. When my mom passed, I talked to other people who lost their parents, Of course resoundingly. That was a demarcation in everybody's life. Some people went the other way. Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 3:Like I have a friend of mine. She is bitter, she's still mad, she's still bitter, she's still angry, she's still not happy. You know what I'm saying, right?
Speaker 1:And this is what I would say From the outside. That's the way it appears. I think there's something to be said about, like I said, our multiple aspects of our personality. When we have not reached the point at which the pain hasn't been high enough to get us to change, that means there's something else within our personality which is still feeding off of that pain.
Speaker 3:You see, I told her something different. I told her that she said to herself she's mad at God, and I get it.
Speaker 1:And then that's what she needs to work on is to work on that concept of what is. It is your concept of this higher power that is making you angry, Like that is part of she's not confronting, Because that concept of the higher power is if she's still angry at it. You'd need to delve into that and meet that head on.
Speaker 3:She really was so sweet, she really was.
Speaker 1:What is it?
Speaker 3:What is it you want?
Speaker 1:to say to God she's got a divorce.
Speaker 3:She'll speak to her children. It's terrible.
Speaker 1:But no, it's true, there's a whole litany of prayers. They're called laments. You know laments are I do? I can't play too, okay, well, laments are. If you didn't know, laments are basically gripes with God. Right, they're prayers when you're angry. That's why you, when you say you're angry, but that's literally what it is, and that's where you would start. If you're angry at God, maybe consider how and why.
Speaker 3:I think this is what ironically this is what we know of her, because what people don't realize is nasty and filthy, as I can be. I am a devout Catholic. You know what I mean and I really believe in my faith. I know when you tune in Saturdays at 12 pm Eastern Standard Time, you cannot tell Constantly jumping and gyrating. I do on TV. So with the same friend, I recommended I don't know why I recommend this because I couldn't even finish it. I recommended the body keeps the score. Yeah.
Speaker 3:And she read this diagram and she was changed. I told her I couldn't get through it. I told her I was in the car on the way to Florida and I had a meltdown. I said I almost started speaking to one of my best friends in the whole world. I was so mad at you. It wasn't me.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, it wasn't me, bro. It wasn't me, I'm telling you, because I brought the book when one I think it was Jeff when he introduced.
Speaker 1:it was either Jeff or you, because I remember I thought it was your. One of your therapists recommended it to you, or someone did, and you recommended it to me. I recommended it to one of my colleagues at the center and I gave it to her because I know I didn't. That's why I know I didn't have the book, because I didn't finish it either, and I don't recommend books I haven't finished.
Speaker 3:But that's the thing about it. Yeah. The thing how interesting it was that she got the exact opposite thing out of it.
Speaker 1:That we did not. We need different things. That's the ultimate thing I've learned about helping people with problems is you empowered them to work on themselves. It's not about you finding what's broken and fixing it. It's just giving the person the tools and they have to do all the work. Like, ultimately, if that tool didn't work, you find something else and you keep trying other things. That's the process. Let me go ahead and introduce what we're gonna be doing. I have a few videos that I'm gonna play for Greg, like I would on Wednesday, that I have set for, yeah, we're gonna be recording, so go here and you can watch from Patreon the rest of it, or you can just subscribe to us later because it'll be on the M3 Bearcast. We're recording episode 45. And, by the way, episode 44 is up. By the way, I got to do it.
Speaker 3:Let me do it, Michael Patreon.
Speaker 1:So you can watch our recording from Friday now on Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. I can put it up again. Here you go, all the places it came out today.
Speaker 3:It came out today.
Speaker 1:Yes, it did. Yeah, I should have put a link in the description. I'm working on that. It's a work in progress. By the way, I just realized I have to put the Patreon link on Patreon because I didn't do that.
Speaker 3:Saturday in honor of because Cream Digler, who the other person is on, a family member here where he's also getting the Digler Digest M3 Live with Cream he's gonna be doing Thursdays. So in honor of Cream, I'll be doing. We'll be talking about all that shit that's going on with the bald head woman, jada Pinkes.
Speaker 1:I did. Do you know anything about it?
Speaker 3:I do because I'm going to talk about it Saturday to talk some of the things that Cream's gonna be picking up on. And then my other thing is in honor of in honor of Swag, I'm going to do a. I'm going to be doing a split segment of say hi to the straight guy, but we're going to have a straight friend of ours and we're going to talk about things that cis, black, straight males want to know about, gay males and vice versa.
Speaker 1:And we're going to have that conversation.
Speaker 3:So that's what we'll be doing on Saturday. But Swag is going to talk about things that are good because he's huge in the TikTok streets, so we talk about things that you're all talking about out there on the web. We're probably going to do a touch on that Jada Pink and Smith situation. She is such a liar, by the way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it seems real shady. Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3:So this white chick, this white and I call it a white girl vanilla chalk, so vanilla chocolate, she like, is poking holes in her hole. Tupac has her to marry. Her situation she was like right. Tupac wasn't a rikers. When you said this, I was an amazing takedown. Yeah. But she's like her and we'll been separated since 2016.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's the part I heard. Yeah, oh right, go ahead and go to Patreon, because we got to.
Speaker 3:Okay, we got to get a move on yeah.
Speaker 1:Because it's after three. But I posted a link to Patreon. If your patron is there now, sorry.
Speaker 3:I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. Patreon, patreon. Sorry y'all, I'm not in my best most voice today.
Speaker 1:Well, you're good and this is why we can go to Patreon and we don't have to worry as much, because the people who are our patrons already support us, you know what.
Speaker 3:I'm saying Good luck people. I just had my one and only couple coffee and about two 30.
Speaker 1:I'm going to buy time Seven gets there, okay, so I'm just going to go ahead and play these. I'm not even going to introduce them because I might play them again for the live stream. So the first one's on insecurities, I'm going to play it.
Speaker 5:What do you think? Insecurity stemmed from Parents Society.
Speaker 4:Parents Factual. Something a lot of us don't really consider about insecurities and confidence is that no one is ever born insecure. There's a reason no one's first words where I want to lose some weight, because insecurity isn't something you're born with. There's something that naturally comes with growing up. It's something other people throw on to you, the people in your life as you grow up, and society and culture as a whole tell you what to be insecure about and they show you how to be insecure about it. That's also why most people tend to have the same insecurities about the same things that society and culture has deemed valuable.
Speaker 4:Think about it when we were growing up. What were we told are the most important things in life? Money, looks and love. And what are the most common insecurities? I don't have enough money, I don't like the way I look, or literally anything that might stop you from finding love.
Speaker 4:And then the craziest part is that once we grow up and we have all these insecurities from our upbringing, society and those around us tend to make us insecure about being insecure in general. Like I'm willing to bet that most people watching this have been called insecure at some point as an insult. Now, while this all does suck. I think it's very useful to know, because a lot of us want to be more confident in life and we dedicate a lot of time to trying to be more confident. But if we only lack confidence because other people gave us insecurities, then the game isn't about gaining confidence. It's about losing those insecurities and I know those might sound like the same thing, but they're really not because low self-esteem is more like a symptom to the disease, that is, ill-placed insecurities, and you were not born to be insecure.
Speaker 1:So we talked about this with one of these memes that Swag posted on his TikTok page about the piece of canned corn sitting in the mirror.
Speaker 1:Yeah this is a. At least I love me. I think that's. And, yeah, the funny thing is he got into it with some of the commenters who were trying to be snarky. Say well, you have to love yourself. And he's no, you don't. You really don't.
Speaker 1:There are a million ways in which people do not love themselves. And the funny thing is what he's saying is that isn't because of some defect in you. It's because something from outside of you told you that this is the way that you should be. We look around us and say, oh, you need to be this smart, you need to be this tall, you need to have this much money, you need to do this thing and you can be like us, or at least on par with us, or no? The world gives us the sort of things that we should strive for.
Speaker 1:We definitely can agree or reject or accept it, but it is not something internal to yourself, even though the process of accepting that beliefs means you do internalize it, and at some point you actually think that these desires, these motivations, came from you and it's like, oh, this is me, this is what I want. But there's a reason why you want that. There's an external reality that framed the way that you think. But the funny thing is, a lot of times people don't see that way. They just see it as this is who I am. So like, when someone is picking on you, or if they did say, oh, you're so insecure, or whatever, you don't necessarily throw it back in your face. They're like you did this to me now.
Speaker 1:But, you can in your head say this is not something to be ashamed of. This is a normal part of being human, like insecurities are part of. I remember someone saying like this if you make a decision, if you choose something, it's like picking up a stick. If you pick up one stick, you always pick up the other end. There's no way to not do that. So if you pick up the desire or the ambition for something, the other side of that is insecurities about not having it. That's what drives you to get it right. Like you're, we don't call it insecurities, but your lack or feeling of lack is what motivates you to go get it. So that's just a part of having desires of any kind. The problem is, how appropriate or inappropriate is that insecurity in this situation? Are your insecurities causing you to freeze when you should act Well internally?
Speaker 3:you're not going to know that, because it's you right yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and even being unaware of your insecurity is part of being human right, because, like I said, your perspectives means that, by definition, you're not in awareness of everything about yourself. So I guess, at the end of the day, what I'm getting at is insecurities are normal. They didn't come from you. So if you want anyone to blame which I don't think you should blame anyone it shouldn't be yourself. You're not the cause of your insecure. You're not weak because you're insecure. It's because people told you this is how you should be Get mad at them If you're gonna get mad at someone, yeah.
Speaker 3:Well, another thing that he did not talk about is the thing that the things as plural and insecurities cost us, or the causality, or the cause of the effect of us.
Speaker 1:Tell me what you're thinking about. Yeah, Insecure.
Speaker 3:insecurity causes us to date people that are not good for us by shit that we can't afford Tell me a little bit about that one.
Speaker 1:What? How do insecurities get us to date people we shouldn't date?
Speaker 3:Holy moly back and noses, wow, and so great interview question, by the way. But, dude, we've all been there, like I call it, the low hanging fruit syndrome so if you have the low hanging fruit syndrome. This is in front of me. You know, what I'm saying. I'm not going to do this right here because it's close to me and it's the person may be awful and unattractive, but they're close by and they're available, so I'm not going to venture out further because I have. This is what I deserve.
Speaker 1:Right, right, that's a good point.
Speaker 3:That's how it manifests itself, okay, well, I feel shitty about myself, so the person that I date does not have to be all that fantastic.
Speaker 1:Again, and not only that. I think you can turn it on its head. I've seen or heard of people who, when they're dating someone who's a little above their weight class, so to speak, they feel like how do I put it? They feel like that person's always going to leave them right, they won't let them go out with their friends, they always want to keep tabs on them. I saw this one video on TikTok where the guy put fucking the little Apple tags on their partner in their bag. What so they could track them, yes, and then when she found it, he broke down and cried and was like I just don't want you to cheat on me. And he didn't deny it. He was just like I've been cheated on so many times, like I just I wanted to know where you were all the time, so we break it up immediately.
Speaker 3:I'm sorry. I'm sorry, they got my how.
Speaker 1:But yeah, of course that's so creepy, like you're dating the killer. This is how the villain story starts, like you need to back away, slowly, be like. I'm gonna call your friends, we're gonna make sure that you are okay and I'm gonna go.
Speaker 3:I ain't even doing that, nigga. No, you don't want to follow in you.
Speaker 1:You don't want to follow. He already put a tracker on you. You don't want to follow and you back away slowly and you don't turn around. He back away slowly.
Speaker 3:Oh so just leaving is not an option.
Speaker 1:It's not an option. He will follow you Fuck, oh my God.
Speaker 3:Now I'm scared for this hypothetical dude. Hypothetical dude run for your life dude.
Speaker 1:I know right. I've been with him at all times.
Speaker 3:That is going a long way, dude, because, first of all, contrary to my belief, apple tags are not cheap. Yeah. That's three, four hundred bucks. Right or four. They're like $25 a piece, Seriously.
Speaker 1:It's actually so bad that Apple, in the latest iOS update, created a warning signal that you have a tag near you so that people can't track you as easily. So if you suspect that someone's tracking you using an Apple tag, you can detect if a tag is in your vicinity. So obviously it's been used in this way before.
Speaker 3:If they added that feature, I'm just saying Wait a minute, did they let you know, so how do they notify you?
Speaker 1:I don't know, I don't know. It's probably a notification just saying like a pop-up, saying like remind Nigga you be, attract, you be attract.
Speaker 3:Nigga, nigga, you be attract. Basically, is it some black voice like Wanda Sykes? Nigga, you be attract, you be attract. Look at your bag, search your bag. I'm in here. I'm in here Because you know what I did not know? It's a lot. I couldn't find my wallet. The other day. That you know how when you if iPhone used in the world, you know how you use your phone. You can make it do the sound.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I do that. It's an Apple tag, apple tag.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but the Apple tag has the sound in it.
Speaker 1:Okay, I didn't know that.
Speaker 3:I did not know that either. And then you can use your phone once you locate it.
Speaker 1:You might need to give me some tags. You do. I lose shit all the time.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you do Listen, I'm saying, I'm talking to you, we're not even gonna hide this Like yes, because I use my watch all the time.
Speaker 1:So one of the things I love about it is if I leave my. I did this on a date actually. I left my phone in the restaurant and as we were headed out to the car, my watch went off and told me I left my phone. I was like, oh, this actually works. It was like it was pretty good.
Speaker 3:So, anyway, apple has terrible control over our lives. Because it's so, I knew my wallet was in it, so I'm embarrassed to put fucking. I was like I said, I'm embarrassed to get the backstory, but it's my $900 time for wallet. So it's not just a wallet, it's a wallet that costs almost a G. Yeah, and it was a gift, so I don't want to lose it. I remember it taking it I put a tag in it.
Speaker 3:I did so. I remember taking it to therapy, but I don't remember seeing it. So my assistant was like, hey, it might be over here. Then my brother came and said did you try? I forgot all about the tag. Well, you can take your phone and follow it around.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, yeah, and now they apparently have better location on it, oh my.
Speaker 3:God, oh my God. So he took my phone and he was like running around and coming around and I was, and it told him that you're closer and you're closer, yeah. That's pretty cool. I'll take the hot potato. Yeah so yeah, but I said this to say so. I'm really concerned about people that put tracking devices on people. Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:They're fucking psycho. So let's be real.
Speaker 3:So, like this is crazy to me, like I am bothered by this because I think I dated someone I don't know if he, I don't know if he, probably whatever, if he caught up, but this was back in the day, yeah. And so his issue was he would just pop up, yeah, pop up at the job, pop up at the crib. And at the time I was just like just getting divorced and I didn't want all these entanglements and entrapments of all these things.
Speaker 3:You know what I mean. I'm honest. I'm honest. I'm like, listen, this is not where I am. Yeah, because I think you should be honest and tell people where you are in your dating situation and not let them have to guess. Just be fucking honest. Dude was just like so my so going full circle. My problem with this is technology is creating a fucking mess that's gonna lead to murder. Yeah, bitch, I know you was cheating your appetite. I said you was at that bitch house. Oh my God, I can only imagine it's gonna happen here in Atlanta y'all. So get ready. Yeah, I don't know. I'm really concerned about, like, how all this takes place and the fact that we all can be insecure, but not that goddamn insecure.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm gonna put it. That's a different level of insecurity. Okay, I got it. What's the one thing that?
Speaker 1:would go in. Yeah, I got one more video because then I want to get about an hour of tape, so we'll go for 10 more minutes. Let me play it Experimental. I'm playing it on a different computer. I hope there's no oh my god 33%, little bit.
Speaker 2:Third, a man between the ages of 18 and 29 are not only single, but they're not actively looking for a partner. So I've got a question for the men to my comments are filled with guys saying we're done, we don't, we're not looking, we like our peace. I need some more talk from you guys. Tell me why you're done.
Speaker 5:I'm seeing more and more of these videos and honestly, it makes me sad, because guys have told women why. We've made it very clear why we're walking away and we're walking away in droves and it's only gonna get worse because you're not hearing why we're walking away. It's very simple. Don't read between the lines. Hear these words. There is absolutely no benefit anymore to being in a relationship with a woman. For a man, none, zero, zilch, especially when you consider the risk compared to any potential reward. Roughly 55% of marriages ended divorce and the guy loses everything. Added to it all the relationships where they weren't married and the guy lost access to his kids and had to pay mountains of child support and so on. When you really look at it, there's less than a one in four chance of having a successful relationship. Would you risk everything you have? Would you risk your children and having access to them, knowing you only had a 25% chance of success? I doubt it.
Speaker 5:Add to it the expectations that today's women have are beyond absurd. We all joke about the sixes, but the reality is that is most women's expectation. You expect men to give and offer nothing in return. I'm not saying any of this to be mean, but I am being blunt in hopes you'll hear it, because we've said it over and over again and yet you're still asking us why are you walking away? That, in a nutshell, is the crux of the problem. You ask us, but you don't want to hear the response. And if you hear it, you don't want to accept it.
Speaker 5:My honest advice to you, ladies, is this get a mirror, look in it and ask yourself what are we offering to men? Why should men want to be with us? And if your answer is things like you have a great career or job, or that you're gonna cook and clean, none of that matters to us, not in the least. What matters to us? Peace, loyalty and Acknowledgement something very few women give to their man. And until you're willing to give that, until you're willing to set aside your ridiculous expectations, those numbers you mentioned are only gonna get worse.
Speaker 1:All right, was that you play?
Speaker 3:this one. Yes, you play.
Speaker 1:That was the point. It is like the worst stereotype of a dude. But I think he was the reason I chose it, and I don't know if I'm gonna play this on the live. It's just experimenting and you're my guinea pig. Why is that painful, tell me?
Speaker 3:Because, okay, first of all, where the fuck they going when they doing all this walking away? Where the fuck you going to other dudes when you gonna be turning to homosexual? You gonna change your nature.
Speaker 1:Well, no, I will respond to that while you think about it. Basically, I had this conversation with someone that men are able to get the benefits of a relationship without claiming that person, and I think what are you saying about, like, how I think it's a chicken shit thing to do? But oftentimes you'll hear this oh, you know, I'm looking I Guess you know for good vibes, you know, hanging out, whatever. I'm not looking for a relationship right now. And guys I don't want to even put this as straight or gay, but I think in general, if you allow someone To grant you the benefits of being a boyfriend without the responsibilities, was hey, being responsible for how they feel, like being there for them when you need someone Sacrificing a little bit for someone else, if you're not expected to have any of those things, like you can get all the benefits of comfort, sex and then you can get a relationship without ever having to be responsible to them in an emotional, physical way. Yeah, why wouldn't you? Because there are a lot of downsides. Every benefit Comes with this. Attending costs, right, and I think a lot of these guys, if they have the option to get the benefits without the cost, I think they will.
Speaker 1:I, I just think the guys that the shot is a dick and stuck into these sort of traditional gender roles and ideas or whatever, but I always also think that their perspective comes from their lived experience Also, like if their lived experience didn't allow them To have this point of view, they probably would have changed it. So there's something around them that's letting them be stupid. You know what I mean, and I think that's part of it Just saying, right, all you Just want things from us and you're not offering us anything we want in return. That's what I'm hearing and their perception necessarily right, but it is their perception as what they see, and so I'm just looking at it like where did they go wrong? Where point did you become this cynical piece of shit? Anyhow.
Speaker 3:So where do I start? Where do I start with this? This always almost felt like we were listening to how much turn. Yeah. But yet he's happily married. It's been so for decades. So it's that thing. It's that very thing it's. We're always saying we don't want some shit, but we want it at the same time. That's the same thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're right, though he does remind me of Howard Stern.
Speaker 3:Oh, yes, a little bit yeah. I used to love him when I was a younger man, yeah, but now it's like what the fuck it's? But okay, but so here's the thing. So let's, because I don't. I haven't dated a woman in decades, but so let's take it from the LGBTQ AI. Yeah, we definitely have to do that.
Speaker 3:Right in the perspective is. You see it all the time I think, well, what is it? Fwb's or strings? And when you fuck that nigga, right he leaving a toothbrush at your house the second night. And so you've been there, oh. And then then you're forced to say, oh, I thought you just wanted to be cool. And no, I think that they have just become shot, gunshot, and they're just afraid to say this is what I really want, because, and so you All. And then the first problem I had with his whole diet tribe of nothing is when the fuck you going? You doing all this, walking away to go where and do what like me?
Speaker 1:so well, this is actually the thing they stitch, though, is a actual like article. This woman was talking about that. I forget what the statistics were, but younger people, I think ages 20 to 35 or so, have Not gotten into relationships, and I don't know what the exact numbers were, but it is a trend that's happening amongst younger people.
Speaker 3:Cuz they to kill us did, millennial motherfuckers. They are the goddamn killers.
Speaker 1:They are. I think they also, yeah, they, they have. I think it is technology, honestly that, yeah, the way that someone approaches in a dating situation is now way more like Sliding into your DMs type deal, like that was the way they first got their first date is hitting someone up on Instagram, because if you're in your 20s, the Instagram was always a thing from the point you are a mature Person interested in the opposite sex or whatever sex you're interested. So, yeah, like I think it has warped the incentive structure around dating right, and I remember we had this about the paradox of choice or whatever.
Speaker 1:The paradox of choice I first encountered in a book, I think it was by Malcolm Gladwell. I want to say it was blink and it was about the more choices that we have, the less satisfied we are with the choices that we make. Okay, and if you were to put this into a dating scenario, you would say because there are these other choices on the internet at all times, you are, by Definition, going to be less satisfied with the choices you make if you still view those other people as choices and so, ironically, you Part of why you should get married or get into a committed relationship is because, in your mind, you start removing those other people as choices and as by removing those other people as choices, you actually become more satisfied with the choice you've made. If you can always leave the person you're with without any consequences, that means you're always going to be like. Whenever they stink a little bit, you'll be like I could be with someone smells good.
Speaker 3:So we're back to loving soft again.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it is. This is not really loving soft. It's just saying that. Actually it's a little bit of the reverse of that. It's saying that you should commit, because committing makes those other choices less palatable. If you have a big consequence, like I don't know, a divorce lawyer or a mortgage or a kid to co-parent, you are much less likely to consider leaving. That's just obvious. Because there are more consequences and because you have to consider leaving less, you don't look at all those options as options, because they cost a lot and so therefore, fewer choices means you're more likely to convince yourself and be happy about the choice you've already made or make the choice better. That's all.
Speaker 3:Right. I just think these bambles are going to end up marrying much later in life. It happens with every generation, just like you see a lot of bitches now having babies at 50s. I'm like what the fuck oh?
Speaker 4:this is true.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know saying fucking that dude, the brat was like a man, he was like a man and a fucking baby.
Speaker 1:A baby at 78 or some shit.
Speaker 3:Oh no, he's a 80. Try. 80. Try 80. Hold on a second.
Speaker 1:Yeah, go ahead.
Speaker 3:Hey Siri. Yeah, how old is Robert De Niro?
Speaker 4:Robert De Niro is 80 years old.
Speaker 1:Yeah, thank you. I think the kid was born a few years ago.
Speaker 3:Yeah, the baby's two, yeah, yeah. But still he's not going to make it to high school graduation.
Speaker 1:It's so weird.
Speaker 3:Take it from an old man's kid. Let me tell you my father was 61 when I was born. His goal was just to make it to my high school graduation.
Speaker 1:I was having this discussion about, like true chauvinism or whatever. Say what if we reverse this? Because I'm listening to this book, Was it slowly? I'm listening to God. What is the?
Speaker 1:name of it, sapiens, it's the history of human time through evolutionary biology or whatever. I listen to maybe five, 10 minutes every night as I go to bed, but one of the things that it's been getting at is just that women are the default and men are the adaptation. So, yeah, it's why men have nipples, it's why, like ovaries descended to testicles, everything starts with female and becomes male over time, because females are the default. And what's interesting about it is that there's a separate set of DNA that is only passed from mother to their children. It is passed to sons as well as daughters, but the fathers do not pass as DNA to their children, so it's called mitochondrial DNA, and so there's an actual, different part of all your cells that is just the bloodline of all the women ancestors. It's interesting to see that if you were going to make an idea of what is the superior sex, it would be obviously women. I tell people all the time.
Speaker 3:God is clearly a woman. It is. It's good this way.
Speaker 1:There's a cell inside your cell. Every cell of your body has another cell in it, called a mitochondria basically, and every cell in our body was probably derived from single cell organisms, and so at some point in our monocellular ancestry, one organism actually invaded another and they became one. I like to do it so. That organism is why there are more complex organisms, like the fact that they bonded together, like one could make energy from oxygen and the other could do it from sunlight, and then, when they came together, they formed cells which allowed plants to come.
Speaker 3:You're coming back this way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's one thing I'm just rambling now and I think we should no it's just, I'm letting you because I'm triggered by this.
Speaker 3:And I just want you to know. I feel that up. Oh, you know what?
Speaker 1:One day we're going to have to talk about jazz at one day. I finally understand jazz, that we have to have a conversation about that one day, because it was deep. I was having a conversation with my mom about it. I was like, because she loves jazz music, so me too. In order to calm her down, if we're doing a lot of business stuff, which we're doing today I put on some jazz or whatever.
Speaker 1:I was doing something else in the background and I heard the jazz music in the back and I was like I just had an insight, like I get jazz a little bit better now. And the way that it worked for me was that I wasn't listening to it at the time, it was just playing in the background. And then, when I started listening to it, my perspective was a little different and what it did was it allowed me to hear the melody in my head, while I also heard the improvisation on the radio and it was like I was listening to two things at the same time and I was like this is like next level music, like it makes music in your head, like it's music you play.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 1:And then you can add to it self-consciously. Right, I was like I never do that. You can scat on your own Right.
Speaker 3:So if your mother is a jazz fan, tell her play Samira Joy for her.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 3:Samira Joy last year won Best New Artist Grammy and she was 18. She's 18. She was 18. Wow. Her voice is like Sarah Vaughn it's wonderful and her name is Samira Joy. Your mother was so happy. Before we end this, I want to show you something, because, I'm an assistant to the department of my wallet. That's the Apple Tag and this is the infamous Tom Ford wallet. That's cool. Thank you for triggering me this afternoon.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that was a good recording. Thank you for listening to this episode of the M3 Bearcats. We'll catch you next time, that's right, thank you.
Speaker 3:Peace, peace, all right. Thank you.