The M3 Bearcast from Male Media Mind
The M3 Bearcast from Male Media Mind
Unpacking Aging and Masculinity Norms w/ Greg
Ever find yourself making those 'old man' grunts when you stand up? We've all been there. Join us on the M3 Bearcast with our special guest, Mr. Drayton, as we crack jokes, share personal stories, and unpack the heavy realities surrounding societal perceptions of age. I mean, who really wants to look young forever? From humorous banter about our own body creaks to more profound discussions about societal expectations and past traumas, we aren't shying away from the complexities of aging - and neither should you.
Have you ever wondered if there's more to masculinity than what society tells us? We thought so too. We delve into the performance of gender norms, and how these can affect men emotionally and psychologically. Forget about your typical tough-guy facade. We've got a sassy approach to breaking free from these age-old expectations and exploring the full range of human emotions. And, as an added bonus, we even get into some under-explored topics such as interpersonal hygiene, nerddom, and (hold your breath) political betting.
But remember, it's not all serious talk here. We're also sharing the joys and challenges we've experienced as we've grown older and (dare we say it) wiser. We're opening up about our self-care routines, discussing the unexpected links between food and aging, and even recommending some great TV shows. We're also giving shoutouts to our loyal fans and discussing our upcoming appearances. So, tune in to our podcast - it's an engaging conversation you won't want to miss.
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Hello and welcome to the M3 Bearcast. I am joined today by the talented Mr Drayton. What's going on, greg? Hey man, what's going on? Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, thank you for being here. So during the middle of the day, sometimes during the week, I'm scheduled I will drag Greg along to help me test out ideas, help me bounce off some ideas from our audience. So, like on our regular broadcast, it's Wednesday, which is tomorrow. From this recording, I'm not sure where this is going to go out on the feed, because one of the pleasures of making a podcast is getting to edit it. If you're a patron, you're going to get early access because we're going to go private and just for patrons in a little while, but you will get access to it on the day that it comes out. The same topics that we're discussing will also be available on the M3 Live broadcast, which is Wednesday at 7pm Eastern, and the topics around things like mental health, spirituality, being human behavior, really just trying to figure out why things work the way they do and get a different perspective on some things.
Speaker 1:I'm continuing a conversation we had about loneliness and about doing something about it. I'm going to do another topic on aging, like how old do you feel in your body? Because I feel old. As far I've been calm. Before we move on, it is a goddamn lie. It's as old as you feel Mentally, let's top it, let's title it first, because mentally I feel like I can dip and do it until I stand up or I get up in the bed or I go down the steps Because I had the pleasure, real quick.
Speaker 1:I'm going to the doctor yesterday and the nurse that was waiting on me you get like the concierge nurse thing and we were the same age and she lived like my grandmother and I was like, wow, do I look that old to other people? You know if those of us who are listening and can't see you look very young, you have a very much of a baby face. If it wasn't for the hair in the afro, you could easily pass. But I would like to think I have a young face. I don't know, but I simply looked at this woman. I was like, use it. I wanted to be like use a goddamn lie. In 1993, I was a user, goddamn lie. But real quick. Like, have you started to notice those noises you make when you get up or you do something? Yeah, they used to be sexy porn sounds. Now that sounds of survival. Right, figure out, how am I going to stand. That's what I was thinking about. How old do you feel Michael? Yeah, how old do I feel?
Speaker 1:I was going to say toward my late 50s, I would say early 60s in my body and one of the things that this article I'll bring it up on Wednesday we don't have to play it here, but to introduce it to the entire panel. She had this two sources that she was quoting One about older women in their 60s. They say they mostly are the ones who are most likely to feel discordance with their age. They feel younger than their physical age and they would talk about in this book looking in the mirror, not so much being horrified as to be like who the fuck is that? Yeah, so as I sit here and I contemplate hairstyles and then I contemplate hair dye, yeah, that's a good point You're completely black over there.
Speaker 1:I think the color of your hair probably has the greatest degree of aging. Your face Absolutely Hands down. If the hair looks wrong, and I think then the next is the skin right Hair first, then like crinkled, wrinkled skin, patchy skin. You know what I'm saying? It's true, though. It's also the first to go. Those are the first to go usually, yeah, but see, we're black, we're African American, so we keep. And so our skin doesn't go as fast as our hair. Yeah, this is a great topic. I'm going to just from you from Saturday.
Speaker 1:I'm going to just steal the kid going. I think when, especially with black men, when we get about between 42 and 62, you know, you can't tell how old we are. This is true, I know this. I said I'm trying to do more posts on social media and there's this one guy who goes by Big Daddy Kofi. He's a Nigerian guy. Yeah, he's real cute. He's real cute. He's 47 years old, but he could be 37. He looks like he's 25. The man's skin looks like it is glistening.
Speaker 1:When I tell you like I would tell you what, though I do believe that's. One thing I do have is great. It's just, but I've been great. Since in my 30s I don't that's a good point I've been dying my hair I'm going to say it public because, fuck it, everybody does it. But the weird part is all and I have a great barber Shout out to Kevin Dunn and Buckhead, but I always the thing is. And so now, and weirdly enough, I should do the great repeal and take my hat off. But I've started regrowing hair. I am no longer receding. So I am now in the middle of hair and beard gig, because I was thinking about my age you know what I mean and I recently had a catastrophic fall yeah.
Speaker 1:That's one of the things I've been thinking about too, like how that affects us, and one of the things they talked about in there. So there's the age that we feel, then there's the age that we think we are. And, what's interesting, what she said in this article from the Atlantic was how old we think we are, usually based in societal things or in trauma. So, for one, people who had a lot of success early in life often feel younger in chronological years. Right, so let's say you've been working at a job for 20 years but you're only in your 40s or something like that. Like, once you are in your 50s, you don't feel necessarily like you're in your 50s. A lot of your anchoring is anchored to this time early in your life. Let's say it's like that, or the opposite could be true Negative things. Let's say like a family member dying, especially at a young age, like in your teenage years. It anchor you to be younger in chronological years in your mind versus your body or chronological years.
Speaker 1:So, and then the third being that if you live in a society that doesn't honor the elderly, we will often, because of cognitive dissonance, feel like I can't be 60-something. 60-year-old people are XYZ. I'm not 60. You know what I mean, like that sort of defiant feeling, yeah, and I think that's something that we go through as Americans. We do not honor our elderly the way that a lot of collective cultures do. Say, like in Japan or Korea, places where we literally worship your ancestors. You literally have pictures of your great grandma on there and you burn incense to her. If you're Japanese or Chinese, you should probably still live in. Yeah, that's true. That's another thing. They do also have long life. That's a good point. Miniterranean diet has been known and also like age and biopsy.
Speaker 2:That's funny that you said that it's the same line.
Speaker 1:If anybody caught me Saturday, 12 pm, me starting the time on the M3 network. If you caught me Saturday, I gave a little nod to Rosalind Carter, ray O'Connor and Henry Kissinger.
Speaker 1:Near their hundreds. They were nine generians, I guess. So, yeah, the youngest being 93, the oldest being 96, but money and that money and the access plays a lot into the aging process Because you have to have access. Now I'm going to tell you that's probably going to keep me alive longer than access to good health care. I've had that, Thank God, I've had that all my life Access to good health care. I think about you and I think about you being in a smaller community that you are. I think about you. Now, your mother, I think in this conversation. I think of her because she looks amazing. For her and mentally, you see the slow down, but I don't. I think she is there with it and she's great for 80. So you're because you spend the rest of your life. Yeah, I see it's all relative right, Like I'm going to know her from her younger years.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I see.
Speaker 1:Relative to other people. Her age, she's amazing. Yeah, I see she's with it. She's going to jump up anytime and do a kickball change. She has to be moving. I'd notice like she's motivated. She's got the shit out of me. I'm like I'm going to do it. I'm going to tell you now. I'm going to give a pre-tease. I'm going to interview you on my show because we're going to talk to people who are. I'm going to talk to people who I can't give her, hmm, the aging break, because we are an aging population. That's the other thing. You know what I mean. So, no matter, even where black people are living longer, even we're living. Thank God, that's 60 years to be old in the black community. Jesse and Missy People was like 59 years. He was like what the hell? Cutting pink yeah.
Speaker 1:I mean like aging in the 80s was rough. I'm just going to say people who came of age in the 80s like they lived in a different world. They lived in a much less healthy world and it showed. I'm trying to think. I think I was maybe 12 or 13 when mother turned 40. I remember I'm like, whoa, yeah, she's old man, she better be looking for a nursing home. I was ready to jump out of a plane. I was like, oh my God, let's get it. Yeah, that's true. What was 40 like for you? What?
Speaker 3:was 30?.
Speaker 1:I'm only 43.
Speaker 3:I understand what you think.
Speaker 1:Let's patch 40. Yeah, I would say I wish I had taken care of my body better because definitely my mind this is the dissonance that I feel with this. Okay, so when I was younger, most of my life, I hear I lean toward older, like I was older in my mind, and say you're an old soul. I think what that really meant was that I had difficulty relating to my peers, like I just wasn't. And so my next step were older people. What's funny is that even now that didn't change. Like I still have a lot of old church ladies. It's my friends, like I talked to them and we hang out. I was like we're friends, I don't care, I mean y'all in your 70s and yeah, I'm making out with old church ladies. You are their speed. Yeah, I am. They talk my language, they relate. We relate to each other in ways that because there is seven, eight years between us and sometimes honestly I'm going to say this publicly Sometimes I think you're older than me, sometimes you have a better rationale than my 50 year old ass.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's that mental idea, but physically I'm not there and I'm on. Body should not be there. And now I'm finally getting to that point where I'm like my body needs to be its age and so I'm going through my own health struggles like walking, for my mental health has been really difficult because of knee pain and ankle pain and I'm just like getting through it. But then I'm like, oh man, this is so bad, I might actually need to see the doctor about it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but can I?
Speaker 1:just say some things.
Speaker 2:I'm sure you would.
Speaker 1:Amazon is amazing.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm getting a brace.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was about to tell you the thing that got me through America. If you don't know, I fell about six months ago and it has been horrific. It's just been terrible and awful. But no, I'm much better. I can honestly say now I'm very much, much better for it. I am a much better person mentally and physically for that, because I needed a pause, break in my life and I didn't want to necessarily have so much pain with it. But I'm right here. But back to you, like there are. No, I didn't. The geography is fantastic, so order some things. I'll send you some links to some things that I order, cause I so I'm still having a problem with circulation, swelling and so on, these things that do the electronic circulation for you. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember those. I think my mom had them. Super duper expensive, yeah, super duper worth, I need to say that.
Speaker 1:They like cuff all around your feet. And they like yeah, yeah, these is y'all.
Speaker 2:Yeah, easy.
Speaker 1:Here's the funny thing is, I should say how, how done. This is where my mom got one of these. There was like a representative who came to demonstrate it for her and the man was just so fucking fine. I could not believe. I was looking at this guy, poor. I know he had four kids. I was like I would totally get a home record for that. I'm going to tell him it's my obligatory.
Speaker 2:Poor.
Speaker 1:But no, anyway. No, that was pretty good and I really do want to talk more about aging and what does it mean? Like thinking about our community? How do we make people feel better about their age? How do we deal with our own dissonance? If we have that and I will definitely be bringing that up I might even read the Atlantic article, but you have not, I have not read it. Yeah, I'll say it about. If I read it, I can bring it up with swag or like he loves doing, those topics on aging as well.
Speaker 2:It's an America.
Speaker 1:I love it when I catch him flat footed and he has not read the aside.
Speaker 2:I feel OK.
Speaker 1:So I'm working on I'm working on another book on pain and I'm also watching High on the Hog. I'm on episode two and it takes a while.
Speaker 1:I'm not that far behind. Yeah, episode two was about the Harlem Renaissance. It was pretty amazing. Yeah, it's. I saw season one, guys. Yeah, three, if you do yourself a favor, check out High on the Hog. Yeah, it's chronic. Season two feels even better because, while the food the food is not necessarily the center of the conversation anymore, because it feels like, ok, we told you about all the food that came from Africa, we told you about the ingenuity about it. Now it feels like the food are just touchstones, or discussing different eras in Black American history and saying like, all right, we don't talk about the food or the Harlem Renaissance that much, let's talk about that. And then, ironically, to draw a bridge, we are good God, as five people watching. Wow, that this always is incredible to me, the way we just came on in. We love that. You love us guys. That makes sense. That makes me I can't speak from up.
Speaker 2:Oh man.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like this is really good for them because we do spend time. But to draw the bridge between food and aging we're living longer because we're eating better. We don't longer have to eat the scraps of. Yeah. I want to give a special shout out to our loyal fans in the middle of the day. Yeah, totally, we would say your names when we're doing a recording.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we are and we're saying hello fans.
Speaker 1:You can join us at Patreon. I'm sorry about that, Is there? No, if you got, if you want all of the episodes, patrons have access to those. I'm going to make sure that there are also playlists and links on the YouTube channel specifically for patrons. I'm going to make sure to do that. No, last time it was really good because we just kept going and the audience kept building. Yeah.
Speaker 1:So, I know that's. The downside, though, is that when we have a large audience, we don't have as intimate or rested a conversation I should say when. That's how I feel, oh, you know what. So I'm going to tell you what interests me about doing the barricades. So I don't have to host and not that I don't love you guys, said everyone I don't have to make you the centerpiece. My audience is not the centerpiece of my. Yeah, I think it's a one on one. I'm talking to you and it's an honor. I cannot even lie to you. It's a really good feeling. I'm talking to my good friend. You know what I mean. It's something slip out.
Speaker 3:But yeah, I got.
Speaker 1:I have another one for you and I'm going to go on to Patreon. I guess the reason I'm going to go there. I know I don't say you want to just keep going and take the recording from this? I can. I know you like the live recording? No, yeah, but just to say thank you guys, just keep going, yeah, I just want to make sure that we can't play. I'll let you guys know we cannot. I see you guys. We appreciate you, as I cannot respond. So hello everyone.
Speaker 1:Good afternoon All right, yeah so the next one is going to be on masculinity, and one of the things that always interests me. One is like where the boundaries of masculinity and femininity are, but then also what are the benefits and costs of it. So I don't. I would say one of my issues with masculinity has to do with the demonization of people who are not like themselves, because I feel like that it can make it's part of that conversation we had about disgust. I really do feel like some people's disgust leads their emotional reasoning when it comes to masculine and feminine Right, and I see it all the time with masculine game in it would be just like what a queen, just like whatever. And that's a question. That was my question. I was just going to say I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
Speaker 1:Disgust is involuntary. Like he was saying in that video. Disgust is an involuntary thing you do. The question is, what do you do with it? Do you then try to justify it? Do you try to construct this whole edifice of supporting who you, what that was, or do you recognize that there's just different trouble? I know.
Speaker 1:OK, so let me get to masculine this video. I'll go ahead and play the video because it was pretty short. It was about a man who said straight man need to be a little more sassy so that they can have more emotional conversations. So I mean, I think this is it here.
Speaker 3:Guys, we got to get sassier. We do, and I know it's easy for me because I'll time. I do regular like this and anybody who knows me knows that I could go from strong, black, masculine man to baddest bitch alive in a blink of an eye and I dwell in both spaces very well. I get that. However, I recently went through a break up and prior to the break up, I was tackling masculinity and trying to define it for myself. And then in the midst of that you know I'm saying a woman he meet with I want to do the work, number, break up, whatever. That is what it is. So I was in limbo for a minute and now I'm getting back to myself and I want to begin my healing journey.
Speaker 3:I said I wanted to document my healing journey because you know I'm saying we guys feel alone and the only options we really have on the internet are he man, woman hating clubs or ghosting in the corner and shut the fuck up with your feelings, and those aren't necessarily the most productive spaces Like.
Speaker 3:We need spaces where we can share war stories and talk about love lost and getting back to wanting to love again. Like women had those spaces for themselves. We need to make those spaces for ourselves as well. But it's deemed to be sassy if we had a look and share those war stories and we talk about things like I was in a relationship and I felt like I was performing a relationship rather than building one. Or you know, I'm saying why do I feel the need to perform? Or I don't even know myself when I'm not performing and I don't know if that, that version of me, is liked by the people I perform. For we need to have these conversations and it's going to sound sassy when we do those, because Us talking about our shit and us talking about our emotions and us talking about us being sad and shit like that ain't manly at all. We don't need to be manly right now. Let's be sassy.
Speaker 1:So I think one of the things that are worse, that may have stuck out for me, is this idea of performing for people. There's something I think that a lot of men feel generally and think that you are a fortress of Protection for the people around you, or your you support and you protect and you play this role. And you perform this role to be To feel good about yourself as a man. Okay, okay, and this is just a theory, right, I'm just going through it, the theory being that if you do not perform that, if there's a crack in that facade, then you are called out as Thank you, basically not really a man, but let's be real, it's the real thing, it's the, it's the. You are all or nothing, because if you don't perform it to my specifications or the specifications of our Deans masculine ideal, then you do not meet up to it and therefore you're not protected by the man club. Whatever it is.
Speaker 1:I'll tell you one, one of the things that really Picked my interest about, like how we perform masculinity and femininity. I had to do with some of my interest in Chinese culture. Like I was telling you, the reason I know about that the rural Chinese villages or whatever around the iPhone City is because I've been watching videos about it and in the rural China to see those. Yeah, I'll soon do some in rural China. They're women who are like construction workers. They're building houses and they're like country folk and they're performing femininity like they're real dainty and like. So what was I saying? I forget that they, the women, the Chinese woman, construction oh, okay right.
Speaker 1:So they're construction workers, they're in these rural areas in China and they're performing femininity even as they're constructing homes. Now that's what really got in my head later. I was like what is it? First of all, there, it's amazing to see little, tiny women Lifting like forklifts and a lot of this is not actual machinery. It's like Pullies and levers and stuff to build houses. And while they're doing it, they're still still doing it with like daintiness and squatting like they're wearing skirts, but they're actually wearing construction clothes. I'm just like this is the funniest shit ever. And also amazing to see little, tiny women lifting giant ass logs and shit and hammering, but doing it femininely. The shit is hilarious.
Speaker 1:But you would think the act of construction work is masculine. But it could be feminine if you perform femininity while you're. You so like, instead of cutting a tree down with an axe, the women Will put like a wedge Into the tree and they'll hammer the wedge and then they'll move the wedge like piece by piece. Instead of being like whacking at it like a dude, they cut down a tree like a woman. Anyway, the point being that what we consider masculine, feminine and change depending on the culture at which you find it, even in a rigid hierarchical feminine, masculine structure within Chinese culture. Their edges of masculine and feminine are quite different. Because we do not see women in construction work as feminine. We don't. And if they were to, if they were to participate in Construction work, they would be seen as masculine.
Speaker 1:Interesting enough, my mother built the high school I went to. That was, and it was the Jax position, because every day I came home she looked like Donna Reed. She was like food was on the table and all that, all those things. But I got sick one day at school, hmm, and my mother had to come get me and I really did not know what she did for me. I was sick, maybe six or seven years old, and she came. She had her vest on her hard hat and her boots and I thought it was my dad in the car. I was like, oh, I'm sick, but that he's sick, dad gonna take out to get some ice cream or whatever. Yeah, um, and my prints will look horrified at the fact.
Speaker 1:That was my foray in the girl, that's interesting. Yes, and boy, supposed to be that. And and, interesting enough, we never really grew up with all those gender norms.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, my mother didn't like for me to play with all babies, but she didn't shunt me if I did. Luckily I didn't have that one, or I didn't yeah, that's a luckily it's because it would be more difficult to undo or to live with if you had. Yeah, I was a talker truck football kind of guy, but the thing is there was so interesting that that I Didn't get saddled with those things until, yeah, uh, adulthood. So it was just like you supposed to be this. You put it.
Speaker 1:So is there anything wrong with, I Feel what I can understand it? Oh, it all. It sounds like there's something wrong with this because I present more masculine and I look at, I just don't understand Overly feminine and that we're not supposed to and that's all saying. That's where the dust, the disgust, company conversation comes in, because those are just on the edges and we use disgust as a the invitation to disparage all the aspects of femininity. So let's not talk about that anymore, about the feminine aspects of it, because that part like I said, I don't think it's something that we can control is an immediate, unconscious reaction to what we see and that may be negative. That's not what guys should do. Just started to mention our training, our heritage, and I think the point about the female construction workers is to point out the fact that all of that shit is made up. The Chinese women had to be construction workers because of severe poverty, so guess what? They made it work the women out there, dainty as fuck construction workers.
Speaker 1:I see that.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:I see that in New York to see the women working on the train lines. That was another place where I confronted with masculine, feminine to say what?
Speaker 2:it is.
Speaker 1:And I think the longer we live, we get into. I think that is the thing that attracts me to like RuPaul's Drag Race feed, the actual transformation of the masculine, male or the male into the female, and so I personally don't like the fact that they let trans women compete. I think it's unfair. And go ahead and send me that. I'm just complaining, send your mo Send your mo I agree, because if you're saying that you want to be different or you consider yourself different, but not in this regard, you're asking for a double standard and then ask myself, why should we have that double standard? Or you could have a whole, if you wanted to. You could have a whole trans edition of.
Speaker 2:RuPaul's Drag Race.
Speaker 1:That will be fair. I think that will be. If you had eight trans women competing to be the top queen, that would be super interesting, we're going to cut your face in. And then three letters to RuPaul.
Speaker 2:This is what we're going to do.
Speaker 1:Save all your contestants for one season and maybe like I don't think so.
Speaker 1:Let me just tell my friend I am a masculine presenting man and so I often get saddled with a viewer or listener called me a gay male chauvinist. I get saddled with. You don't understand the plight of gay people because you can pass that. Have you ever heard that? No, not directly, but I understand the sentiment. I don't. I'm still a homo, not something in my current position, but when I was younger, like when I was in school, I remember being a bully to a feminine gay man when I was in school and it was because I you didn't know how to.
Speaker 1:No no, it was that I wanted to be popular and I didn't want to be. Maybe part of me was afraid of being clumped in with him, but I knew also that if I made fun of him I would be cool with the other guys and I hated myself the entire time I was doing it. How did it make you feel in the first instance when somebody found out you were gay, or it was a straight setting Somebody found out you were gay. I tell you what this is. You can think about it. I basically got caught hunching. The neighborhood One of the neighborhood boys, one of the other boys, looked through the window and saw it was real color purple. They looked through the window and saw us hunching and you know what, realistically, he took it to his grave. Yeah, he told my cousin that was the girl he was dating. But he did. He always looked at us very ill. It's very funny. But he didn't pick his grave and I thought that was interesting, that he was kind enough not to Not to Sorry about that. No, he was kind enough not to blame.
Speaker 1:But I remember the feeling of just being sick and just sick. Oh my god, I'm going to die. I'm going through puberty. I'm trying to figure myself out. And now I got busted fucking my little dirty secret. And I just remember that feeling. And I remember an undergrad, the little feminine guy on a campus. He just came to me in the library and says, you know, you're so cute. And he just said, yeah, he was like oh, and he called my name, he was like isn't your name Greg?
Speaker 1:You're the one in my lit class. I was like you're so cute and I felt small I am, and my response was as a 19-year-old man, I was like get the fuck out of here, fuck you, oh, f word, can you recall a situation like that that your ex of the masculinity Right, like I said, like most of them were in high school and middle school. Like I said, there was the young man who I remember fondly now because he reminds me of the protagonist in any of those gay coming of age stories. He's like I realized like I'm the villain in his story. Oh my god, oh yeah, no, I still know his family and his name. So I probably will run into him or someone who knows him again, because this is a small town.
Speaker 1:You're a part of the guys after, oh good, I would say I wish I knew better. I'd be like let me let sleeping dogs lie, fuck there. Yeah, I would apologize, I told you. Yeah. He says not just for what I did, for what I didn't stop from happening. Nothing has burst both my consent to what others were doing, not so much what I was doing, but the fact that I knew better and I didn't do it.
Speaker 1:Now it is said that we do try to conform to serious. It's taking a little of us. I thought it was my problem with lesbians. Lesbians adhere to this ideal of what they think men are. They're emotionless creatures that throw things around. We all work construction or drive cars for a living. That's a good point.
Speaker 1:And no, my sister and I were riding down the road one day. He says to me lesbians always take the hardest job. It pays the lease and is the most work, because that's what they think men do. And that was I was like that is so goddamn true. Well, most men I know, masculine or not, we are looking for the best job with the least work. For the most part, it's being a mechanic. I never have come to have known a mechanic to say I'm going to be a mechanic because it's a masculine job. The mechanic is not. My father was a mechanic. I'm going to be a mechanic or I have a love for cars that makes me want to tinker with it, and it doesn't make it masculine. But they somehow get this false idea of masculinity and they may hold on to the worst, at least on the other, the Jax position. That I think, and not because I'm a gay male. I think men take the best traits of women when they do drag or transition or whatever.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was going to say that there's a lot to go over there with trans men as well. I'm going to move on over to Patreon now. Wow, I'm here because we're going to do our last topic. The last topic is actually going to be on continuing the conversation about creating connection and loneliness epidemic and all that. Ok, so if you want, to Great drawing of y'all have not, I would sing the song that we sing in another place, but it's a little more serious today, a little more somber.
Speaker 2:We have podcast hoes.
Speaker 1:We say stuff like sweaty bones and stuff. No, please do it. Be patreoncom backslash mail media mind. Or, for those of you who are watching us live, we'll continue. Thank you, yeah, all right, so last topic is going to be on the loneliness epidemic, and again I'm taking up this topic because I feel like it's something that I personally could benefit from, but also the fact that I run into a lot of our audience who feel struggle with this. Maybe I'm projecting. Let me play this clip here. Kanye was like 17 or 18 years old, never mind, it's not the one I'm going to do that one. Ok, oh, young con. I don't like Kanye now, but young Kanye was high.
Speaker 2:OK, if I had to guess what is the source of our unprecedented level of anxiety, even though the data seems to strongly suggest that we're better off than we've ever been, I think it's because we are more isolated than we've ever been. We this is like the human curse. We need other people to be healthy and happy, and yet other people are a titanic pain in the s*** and, as a consequence, we need to be taught something we are not taught, which is interpersonal hygiene, or what some psychologists call social fitness. As my friend Esther Perelves, a legendary couples counselor, says, the quality of your relationships will determine the quality of your life, and this is an evidence-based assertion, and yet nobody's really teaching us how to do it.
Speaker 1:So I like that. What do you call interpersonal hygiene? Notice that about what it's real dirty. When he said it, I know right, I want the white part.
Speaker 2:Here's the thing.
Speaker 1:Here's the thing about interpersonal hygiene that I want to get this across, which is when you have this idea of a nerd or a geek. It's not just that you're intelligent, it is that you are incapable of fostering relationships with other people who are also not disturbingly socially awkward. You know what I mean? And in fact, any movie or description of nerds in a group is highly inaccurate because there's so many motherf***ers in this group of people. You're not a nerd. If you have five or six other friends who are also nerds, you could be a nerd. And you can be a nerd in a pack. Not happily in a pack is the point. If you're a nerd and you're a group with other people to truly be a nerd, you may think you're a nerd. I'll just say you're plenty of people who think they're nerds. But you got. I was just agree because I know.
Speaker 1:I know that's. I'm choosing a different definition.
Speaker 2:I know.
Speaker 1:I hear what you're saying and that's fine, but the reality that I see, is that the main thing, major predetermining factor of nerddom is not intelligence, it's the fact that you are re-ocusing energy and attention that you would normally put on other people to your internal desires, whether they be like dinosaurs or science or philosophy or whatever. You're taking that energy and putting it or something that is beneficial to you. But I think there's also this tendency amongst nerd and cultures to reject offhand the people around them as well, because their Normies or whatever the fuck In and out groups. I'm going to surprise you with this. I don't do anything you said, but the caveat I want to put on that is simply Nerd does not mean introvert, so I can see that too. Yeah, you can travel in a pack of like-minded people.
Speaker 1:You know me, like you one, and if you tune in at 5 pm Eastern Standard Time on Sundays, you seea Microcall here on the M3, that one in three network a microcosm of my, an example. They are all different kinds. I've been ex. Thanks to you. I Been examining the, the newness of the blurred, the black nerd, yeah, and that Because the first time we saw the black nerd was a wrangler, the nerds and all his friends were white.
Speaker 1:Yeah he was like them and then I became. I became a father and my offspring was a bird. No, I grew up eternally cool, but I turned into a blurred later in life. But it was interesting to see that his tribe Was like-minded Men and boys of color. Yeah, you know, I mean yeah, that is Right in this pack that even to this day they're close, that there's science blurts, that they Want them.
Speaker 1:As a financial nerd, I think one of them works on Wall Street. It is really cool the fact that and it's, they all went to the prom together and they all found these nerdy girls when I'm yeah, so I, I don't know that really changed, because I used to think that nerd meant introvert, introvert, yeah, and I absolutely agree with that. That's. That is a Beautiful thing too, and I would say it happens, it does. I would just say that typically is one of those issues with mass media that the nerd often gets placed as the protagonist. Yeah, now are you a blurred? Would you describe yourself as a blur? Yeah, for absolutely. And I would say it was not just because of my intense interest in, say, literature, mythology, things like that. I really liked fantasy, science fiction. Yeah, I was one of those nerds. You are intense and I can't, and just I'm gonna say this to America you do make me a better person.
Speaker 1:I don't joke when I say that I Intensely, because after I finished graduate school I would have just Went through where I'll smoke and weed and being crazy. But that is it. I was. I read it on the cold the other day, was reading and listening, but it's no, I didn't know. I was in the doctor's office yesterday and it was here in the undisclosed place where I live. As a joke, they kept playing this thing on a loop about Alzheimer's in dementia and I was waiting to see my doctor. I was like this is goddamn depressing. People are waiting to see a fucking neurologist. This is the last thing and one of the one. This white lady was so funny. She says If I have dementia also, I'm gonna fuck them. I remember what the fuck they said.
Speaker 3:And she's all that is awesome.
Speaker 1:That is a good point. There's a lot of little stuff like that. He says I have Alzheimer's dementia. She says I was nowhere in the world. I'm gonna. I'm here to see a goddamn, to get a brain scan, the dog fucking man for me. But I said that to say that you, I Don't I and you change my mind on that, because I always thought like that, like nerds had to be introverts. But you have a gigantic tribe, whether you want to admit it or not.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And everybody allows you to be yeah it's wonderful. That's the thing I just want to teach some of those skills to Some of our audience. I don't have a list of those skills right now. They're just having the term interpersonal hygiene. Hygiene is simply. Hygiene is more than just cleanliness. It should be noted hygiene Starts with cleanliness. So it's true, interpersonal hygiene. Your first thing would be like don't stink, wear clothes, speak a language that the other person can understand. We have a conversation about that.
Speaker 1:I think Some we just talked about you're gonna have a difficulty if you can't understand each other. But I agree with that, but some, I think some black nerds and that we both know Trying to be complicated for the sake of being complicated, and that's a problem. That is exactly what I'm talking about, like when you know a word that someone will understand better in the word you use, you are choosing to disconnect from that person.
Speaker 2:Sorry, Now I hope you have a really good reason for doing that.
Speaker 1:You might, but that's the choice you made. You chose well.
Speaker 1:And choose a word that they would not understand. Yeah, like, I pick a word every month that I like. Like this month is Jax position. Like that, too, it's good. Yeah, jax position. Yeah, I love this. It's a fairly new word and I like it. I like it, my love. Nicole Wallace uses it a lot. They only call like that works well. Yeah, it does, because we're living in a Jax supposed world. Yeah, we're living the world that everything could not be true. Well, we'll talk about air. Yeah, I learned something today that it's gonna draw me closer to the state that we've been, so let's talk about it. We got ten minutes.
Speaker 1:I had a really good podcast today. So what is the bet? Because I we need to clarify the steak. It's a steak at my favorite steakhouse. Do the rules of you winning cuz. Here's a thing no body winning, just period. Okay, yeah, I'm not in opposition to that. I think he's gonna win. I'll tell you this though. Oh, I'll tell you this, though I think now the rules, see I, here we go, go. I think that Joe Biden will win, but that the I think that he will lose the popular vote. I.
Speaker 2:Think.
Speaker 1:I think he will still win, but he will lose to Pop Lavo.
Speaker 2:How about that deal?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm still getting my stake because I might, as things, act opposite he's going to win Pop Lavo. And that's good, because I'm just trying to find something that we disagree on, because I-. Why that is it and he's going to school and that one. I'm not even really strong on. I will pick a very reasonable steakhouse. I was like you're trying to get reasonable, but I will be happy to buy you that. Ah, I wish-.
Speaker 1:I just want to see that I'm hoping Because I want the bet to be one that, even if I lose, I'll be happy to lose. I'll be happy if Joe Biden wins and wins the popular vote, yeah. When it comes to the Senate, however, we can make a bet there that I think we lose the Senate Period. We don't get 50. We don't get 51. We don't even get 49. I think we're going to be below 48 senators. I think we're going to be 49 and 50. Ok, and then that's our that's bet number two. What do you want to bet on that one? Because that one I feel strongly about. Wait, what do you what do I want? What PS? Do you have PS4? Ps5. All right, I'll buy you a stupid game for your PS5. Ok.
Speaker 2:That's how- your choice.
Speaker 1:I feel like we're going to be exchanging gifts. Yeah, because we definitely lose the Senate. Yeah, we'll just have a good time one weekend. Yeah, oh God.
Speaker 2:So what do you have-?
Speaker 1:I was going to ask you what do you have on your agenda for For Senate or for whenever you're what do you brew? Out for your show Well, today. So her came out with a poll today and, of course, even though this looks very favorable to Joe Biden, I'm still going to say poll name shit a year out. I'm sticking to that. I'm meaning this.
Speaker 2:You're right.
Speaker 1:And they don't predict anything.
Speaker 3:Right. It means anything.
Speaker 1:So today's thing is yo. It basically said young people will begrudgingly vote for Joe Biden, but it also said young Republicans are staying home OK. That's true a year out. We don't know what's going to happen, and you got to remember that, for both positive and negative things. I know I think we're I'll put it this way, I think when young Republicans staying home might not be a thing once Donald Trump is the nominee and is running for president. Strangely, as it sounds, he's not running for president right now, he's just making a few speeches here, he had actually started running yet.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and sadly you are correct, and so I think but I think they both started running this week Because Joe is making seven our president is making seven fundraisers. Well you realize that fucking I was four weeks away.
Speaker 2:I guess that's why I'm fucking-.
Speaker 1:Joe Biden is doing four to seven stops. It's so scary, though they already they're starting to vote, that's disturbing. Now the question is America and you guys. When you hear this podcast, I want you to let Malcolm know we have never seen a candidate in court doing what he's running. He's going to be in court.
Speaker 2:I don't know.
Speaker 1:I read a thing.
Speaker 1:I think he just got to go to jail or something. No, I read the thing from Donald Brazil and Donald Donald Brazil. Yeah, donald Brazil. Donald, if you run past this podcast, can you come on, I just wanted to you are the smartest person. I'm not even a woman man thing. You are the smartest person ever to walk to your Donald Brazil, and I love you and I love your new haircut and I just love you.
Speaker 1:Donald Brazil, did she do like Gore's campaign? I can't remember where she did. She did Clinton's campaign. She did Clinton's campaign Twice and she won, and then she retired it's she's been doing a lot of the other reasons and she knows how it's done. You know what I mean. But she said, basically she was sitting on a panel with a rent-thranks-previous of all people and he stands.
Speaker 1:All these Republican lies. Oh, joe Biden, she was like man, won't you sit up there and stop lying, just stop. Just like a black woman. Won't you sit up? Won't you stop sitting there lying? And so they were on what's the thing on ABC on Sundays? George Papadopoulos, I call it. Yeah, papadopoulos, snuffle-of-luff-a-kiss. George of Snuffle-of-A-Kiss yes, so they were on with George. Good morning Sunday. Whatever, george Snuffle-of-A-Kiss and he was also in the Clinton administration. Right, who was the long-term the Clinton administration, come on, so no. So he has, like Donald Brazil and some white chick On one side, and the ranks previous, and I'm like you pick the dumbest person on earth for the Republican rebut. Ranks previous is an ass wipe and I say that publicly and truthfully because ranks previous, you are an ass to the whole And-.
Speaker 2:Yeah, everyone said that.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, and so Donald Brazil is like dude I think she did say dude, by the way oh, he says Joe Biden didn't have to be anything. Joe Biden doesn't have to be anything. She said young women have figured out they can no longer have abortions. Yeah. She said Joe Biden don't have to do anything because the world is on fire and his old butt is going to be the one to help put it out. Joe Biden don't have to be anything because he stayed. He's stable, just because he's old. He's stable. Yeah. And he said your country is Joe One second. She says your candidate is just as old and unstable. There you go. Yeah.
Speaker 1:So I agree with that and that is the reality of the probability. This is the reason why I just think that Biden is going to win. However, I took the other bet just simply because Because you wanted some I wanted something. I wanted somewhat of a long shot. So, first of all, it is a long shot that Trump would actually win the popular vote, but typically speaking, structurally, the Republican is more likely to win the popular vote. In fact, in order Not in here.
Speaker 1:So because in his case Well, no, if you're going to lose.
Speaker 2:I know I'm just talking about Well, he won the war.
Speaker 1:Even when he won, he still no. I'm just saying two equally popular candidates, one Republican, one Democrat. The Republican wins the popular vote just because of the structural differences. So we're not even talking about the candidates-. They haven't won the popular vote since the 80s. That's not the structure issue. That's what I'm saying. I challenge you to go find me. I'm trying to tell you that. I challenge you that's a good point. That's a good point. Actually, I am wrong about that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't think it's wrong Because structurally they are a nine breed. I guess what I was confusing it with was this take that said, if you look at the national poll and it was just a straight up Republican Democrat, in order for the Democrat to lose or to be considered a winner, you'd want them to win about 52 to 53% of the popular vote. It's simply because I guess and, like I said, I got that wrong, which is to say that the Republican can win the presidency with 47% of the popular vote, easily given certain states.
Speaker 1:Hence they don't want to ever get rid of the electoral college or the Senate. Yeah, here are the numbers of it all. Interestingly enough, the numbers of it all is they have not won the popular vote since Reagan, yeah, and they're party sized just by sheer definition. By numbers, they're losing 7% to 9% of their party's volume per year. Now, the only positive in this is they skew white and they skew old, so that demographic just has to live a whole life. Yeah, but White people voted two or three times of black people, not to mention old people about five or six times Right Now the problem in this is they have a very unpopular Supreme Court that looked to be Republican Okay, yeah.
Speaker 1:And the party that people seem to be, this unpopular thing is, and that's why I'm willing to bet on the Senate, because Dom keeps running around talking about his judges and all these things, and if they, if they're telling him to be quiet, because there's some there are America is punishing him on every turn and they're like, okay, yeah, and then seriously, everything he touches loses, yeah, and he's going to have a candidate win, since he won.
Speaker 1:That's true. So and they? Because, on a whole, I don't care what anybody tells me. I know red blooded or white people that are Republicans and they are sick of him. I can't even know how many of the conversations I had is like what? Now is the time to get some quietest. Like the Koch brothers, just put their money behind Nikki Haley. America is sexist and racist. She's never going to win.
Speaker 1:This is a. This is Joe Biden's to lose, and I pray so. But here's the other thing I pray he makes it living wise through his second term, because if we end up with a president Harris, we won't see a Democratic president again for a couple of cycles. So maybe I don't know about that. The only way that I see that that would occur is if the Republican party really has had its come to Jesus moment. I do think it would be cast profit if, if Harris was to be the president, if Joe Biden were to die, I should say that's cash profit in no point. But then yeah, anytime I hear oh my God, I heard her give a speech about some. We're not going to talk about Kamala, kamala. I'm like, oh my God, I can't, I'm sad to settle your voice. It's like racist, it's worse, it's worse than DeSantis.
Speaker 1:I'm just saying like most people be like when DeSantis was leading in the polls. They say you have not heard him speak yet Better than DeSantis son.
Speaker 2:I don't know I don't know, desantis.
Speaker 1:Desantis actually got good in the second and third debates. He actually speaks like a human now, unfortunately, Kamala does not. She's like talking through my nose and pausing very carefully that is so After each Because they are careful not to sound black. You don't want to sound ethnic. It sounds awful. I was paused after each and every word because I need to sound so serious.
Speaker 1:You're a bomber folk with the same cadence, you didn't? Yeah, it works for him, it does not work for her. Anyway, I love you, kamala, I do, I really do love you. I believe that, kamala, you have another hip hop jamboree. I would totally go to.
Speaker 1:Any event that you're hosting when you have another hip hop jamboree, Kamala, don't invite him. I love you, Kamala. No, no, he does not. I'm protesting when Kamala's mic down and walk out of the studio. But on that note, we will join you. I think we'll end it there. Yeah, because we got about an hour or so.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much. Oh, no, thank you.
Speaker 1:It was so interesting. See you guys, Saturday 12 pm. Lisa's at the top. They enter the network on YouTube, please, or Facebook. Please join me. But even sooner than that, Malcolm, you'll be on.
Speaker 3:You'll be on tonight, actually, yeah.
Speaker 2:I'll be on with Slack tonight. Yes.
Speaker 1:We'll be on the other pm, so under time, and you and yourself on Wednesday Absolutely Keep with. That being said, I will catch you in the next episode.