The M3 Bearcast from Male Media Mind
The M3 Bearcast from Male Media Mind
Social Hygiene and Self-Esteem w/ Greg
Bouncing back from adversity isn't just for superheroes; it's a skill we all need, and Devon's recent tech debacle is a prime example. With resilience as the day's watchword, we navigate the snags and triumphs of creating content that deeply connects with our listeners. Alongside Malcolm Travers and the astute Mr. Draiden, we dissect 'social hygiene,' pondering how to foster healthy relationships amidst the clamor of digital noise. We examine the art of hosting guests that enrich our community, spotlighting the delicate dance between sharing the mic and maintaining our cherished values.
Have you ever swiped right on someone who seemed perfect only to question your self-worth later? Join us as we unwrap the conundrums of online dating—balancing the pursuit of companionship with the preservation of our self-esteem. Our candid tales of love in the time of social apps and a pandemic reflect not just the search for connections but also the courage it takes to uphold one's safety. We mull over the psychological impact of 'leagues' and the invisible high-wire act of projecting confidence while protecting our hearts in a swipe-right world.
Finally, we take a heart-to-heart turn, inviting you to traverse the emotional landscape of recovery and chronic pain—a journey that resonates with anyone facing their own healing path. Drawing inspiration from Matt Haig's "The Midnight Library," we explore the themes of regret and contentment, linking literature to life's trials and the bravery required to stay true to oneself. As we share personal anecdotes of standing firm on boundaries and navigating the complexities of identity and societal norms, we aim to empower you with the conviction that being true to oneself is the ultimate act of defiance and self-love.
Hello and welcome to the M3 Bearcast. I'm Malcolm Travers and I am joined tonight, today, with the talented Mr Draiden. What's going on, greg? Hi, how are you?
Speaker 1:Pretty good. I have to say I'm feeling really good about M3 lately. We had a technical snack food last night with Devon's show. He wasn't able to actually go live, so we actually met this morning and we uploaded his video. First of all, I have to be proud of him. Even though he was not able to go live Sunday on our channel, he went live on his channel. He wasn't able to log in so he recorded a show with no audience. This morning he told me about it and we uploaded it to the M3 channels and it just played. He was playing maybe just a few minutes ago, so I just thought it was cool. We ended up salvaging the show. It's just one of those things that I have to tell him. Part of any sort of success for me is not just doing well, but rebounding from something that would have broken you before. I know a lot of people are just going crazy. I can't do anything, just here on fire. He seemed to handle it. He recovered, recorded a show even though he couldn't log in. So that's pretty cool.
Speaker 2:I feel we handle fire pretty well. Oh yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah, you and I never had fire outside of the two of us. I hate to be that guy, but I'm not.
Speaker 1:You know, what's funny is I'm archiving some of the footage from the live streams and I realized, like when I was out, you guys were doing just fine. What's that mixed feeling about that? Wow, they're doing well Without me.
Speaker 2:I really want to tell you that was not easy. I am a. I'm very proud of it. Listen, we're all quick before we get started. I tell you this all the time and I'm feeling a little emotional today for other reasons, but I strive to make you proud, like when I'm out talking to people in the internet world and when I am searching for interviews and stuff, even when you're out, and I try to make you care about the brand more you really should, because my thing is I don't necessarily always agree, but it's your vision, and if I don't like you, bitch, give me a vision. That's how I look at it. You know what I'm saying. I can't go opt your, and so, with that said, ladies and gentlemen, I'm also going to be saying he also gives me the freedom to whatever my vision is to do it, so it's not.
Speaker 1:So I had two people hit me up to want to be on the show, by the way, and we'll talk about that later, but yeah, you said it to me. I had another one this morning. I'll definitely reach back to them, but I had someone else actually just call me this morning wanting to be on, and so we'll talk about that later.
Speaker 5:Oh nice, yeah and so I saw the numbers, and numbers are good I was just like oh, let me just be honest with you.
Speaker 2:I never tell America this. I get that proposition all the time. I would love to come on in the next thing. I say what do you have to share? What is your expertise? What are you selling? What do you offer?
Speaker 2:Because, we're offering you an audience of thousands. What are you offering to us? And I get some people say I want to be paid. That took me out of the game, bro. What you better get the fuck out of New Jersey. What you want to pay, so I got you what do you like to be paid for? Dropbox. I got you and then I get, and then some people want to be on for porn reasons. You guys thank you, but you cannot give us all head on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it is a weird balance to have because I'm getting back into Instagram. I made some posts, I even made a few solo videos and that's actually where I got the response from. Someone saw it and actually reached out to me and they were a little concerned. They actually hit me up. I did a video about pain and they was like are you okay? As a matter of fact, no, I.
Speaker 2:I was like, oh, he's having a great Wednesday that's how well I know you. And it was like, oh, he's having a great day. So, like I had, him before it hit me up, it was like my uncle was so serious. He was like okay, I was like oh, I'm fine.
Speaker 2:Okay, look at this. Great, I don't know if you guys are so different. I was like that's what makes it work. And so, bringing me to today's subject you brought me here to trigger me. The slightest use of one word can change an entire subject. It does, and so the thing is I have to remember for this particular topic. I hate the word hygiene in the uses of this, but you know, I just thought about this. I think of hand washing and nasty sex, Things that I probably shouldn't think of when I think of hygiene.
Speaker 1:So hygiene I had to look it up basically just has to do with health. It literally has the same roots as health, so it's actually about cleanliness, it's about anything that keeps you healthy. So we were talking about the idea of social hygiene, and that means having positive interactions with the people that you want and limiting the interactions with people you don't I'm dealing with difficult people and enjoying positive people.
Speaker 2:That's really obvious. I'm gonna call this something else. Well, my own mental. I really cannot wrap my head around. Yeah, Let me explain how.
Speaker 1:about social discernment you?
Speaker 2:call it what you, because you like it.
Speaker 1:So I want you to call it what you want to call it.
Speaker 2:And then I'm gonna call it something else in my head, because I can't.
Speaker 5:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And so then? So it's social hygiene, right? Social hygiene, yes, we're talking about.
Speaker 1:We put it on the live stream, I think. Yes, last Wednesday it was a topic I don't actually have the video here now I'm a professor and they were asking like why are people so anxious when our objective measures of success and happiness are like through the roof? Why are people now so upset? And he just said because we don't know how to deal with people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he loves that, yeah, and then we're more. We were already on the edge and we're more connected than ever. I just thought about it the other day when this parent wanted to sue Facebook because they met a predator through Facebook. And then first you'd be like of course Facebook does that. It connects you to everyone, including predators, but literally without Facebook, that person would not have been in that person's life.
Speaker 3:And now that's an extreme?
Speaker 1:Of course, yes, and I think that's where they made that point. That person did not have a phone, they did not have a computer. They had friends, they went to school and they made a Facebook account. They didn't require their parents' permission to do that. Yeah, and so we have a difficult time with diffuse responsibility because obviously Facebook is responsible for connecting those two people together. They connect billions of people together.
Speaker 5:And how they're supposed to be responsible for all those individual people.
Speaker 1:Back up one second, Malcolm.
Speaker 2:Give us a definition of diffuse responsibility.
Speaker 1:I know what you're talking about, but diffuse responsibility is when your impact and your influence is so strong that you literally impact billions of people. How are all those billions of people going to hold you responsible for your actions when it's literally spread throughout the world Like every single person would have a case so I have a question for you, yeah, around that.
Speaker 2:So the question for you around that is how many followers do you have on Instagram?
Speaker 1:38,000?.
Speaker 2:Correct.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I have about 5,000, which is a lot for a private individual. Yeah, I forget, and they're all bugging me to make. I need to make a fan page because I have 2,000 people waiting to be approved on Facebook.
Speaker 1:We don't have to talk about that because I got to figure it out. But yeah, I was going to say start moving people to your fan page.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you've been telling me that for quite a while. I just can't figure out. But do you feel because as a company in 3, we have 38,000 people listening, 40,000 people, lots of people we need to start doing things about Facebook?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's true, that's another. You know, you were just letting me know that Facebook is easier to review us on. Oh, it is. I noticed that too, isn't?
Speaker 2:it. You just pull up to the bumper. Yeah, because that's how I view the other host on stalker. No, I want to make sure people are carrying our brand. That is funny.
Speaker 1:You got it. You would make a great stalker. Oh, like dude, I'm always in the back.
Speaker 2:What are you doing?
Speaker 1:Like that villain from what was it In Nice Shaman line yes, yes.
Speaker 2:That's me.
Speaker 1:I was in the back of the glass.
Speaker 2:I didn't see your show last night. I was there, but it wasn't. I didn't see it, yeah, and but I did. You know what else I realized when I was on stalking Tuesday? I was out. I realized how great you got when we just pared down to two people. Yeah, how great the interaction was. I don't know. Yeah, I really enjoyed that, but I don't want to keep people off my panel.
Speaker 1:I know I have to.
Speaker 2:Oh, because it's. It may be so now, with the concept of social hygiene, I wouldn't let you know. I'm going to say that yeah. I'm going to say that it's going to be a problem.
Speaker 3:I'm good.
Speaker 5:I'm going to say it Social hygiene.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Social hygiene.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You want to wash your words off. You're saying sanitizer for your shit, oh yeah, so with that, give me no somebody, or online, because I'm streaming at the moment. Okay, a perfect example.
Speaker 4:But okay, me an example of social media.
Speaker 2:We have to explain the.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I actually have a video for someone. No video. I want your definition no video. I'm going to play the video anyway, because I got it together Like your entire. I will explain it. But this person, honestly, they don't really need to explain it too much he was doing a video on pick up lines. I think it's the perfect example. Okay, now I'll play the video for the live stream we talked about.
Speaker 1:Yes, basically, he was just saying that when he was younger, he tried to come up with all these inventive ways to meet women and be like okay, talking about their hair, or looking at this or that, or like the perfect, smooth line, no matter how good it was fake, and so obviously it rubbed people the wrong way. He always had to recover from those fake lines and so he just said one of these days he finally figured out maybe I should just by the director approach and say, hey, how are you doing this to speak with you? What's going on? Something like that. And he said, like the direct approach, the one that's without God, the one that makes you vulnerable, the one that is not Contrived, is probably the best way to go, or at least it doesn't appear Contrived because it might be contrived someone. Obviously everything is right, it comes naturally, and so he was just like and I think what was funny about the video to me was like he felt really dumb, that he has wasted all this time and all these wrong efforts where he really just needed to be himself.
Speaker 1:People say this all the time. I just feel like it doesn't ring true until you experience it yourself, because the fear, the anxiety, the wanting to be correct Am I doing this? Am I doing this correct? Gets in the way of enjoying the experience. I think that was something else he put there. It's like most of the time.
Speaker 1:Even if he didn't get this person's number, the direct approach meant that they were going to have a positive interaction and he remembered those conversations with them and, even though they may have never called them back or whatever, the experience itself was enjoyable because he didn't go into it with all these expectations Of how someone should respond yeah, yes, because I'm a.
Speaker 2:I'm a Dig. I can't be actually, but I can always take the director parts because, yeah, found out long time ago, the bullshit doesn't. Because you have to keep up the bullshit. If you start with the bullshit yeah, does anybody feel me on that? Like you have to keep up the bullshit, the bullshit much interesting.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, oh yeah, let's talk about that one generally, out and from out. When I was in the street. Let me say that when I was in the street, when I was out, I saw somebody who was just like fucking delicious. And I'll be like, hey, checking you out, and I had been Checking you out. I don't mean to sound in my name, things like, I mean to sound like a creepy man, but can we get some coffee, some tea or whatever your hot beverage or cold beverage of choice? And they would start laughing, do I?
Speaker 1:know, no one, ever, ever does just direct approach.
Speaker 2:Hi, can I give you my phone number? I want or hi, I don't want to sound creepy or I'm just gonna cut through the BS. Can I give you my phone number so we can convert? Some late-time is loud in here. You're with your friends and I'm with mine. I want to be this. Yeah, this is gonna bring you. Always inspired me for topics for Saturday. I want to do the best pickup lines.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, that is a good one. Yeah, where do you draw the line between contrived because you need a plan, think a plan is good. So I don't think like word-for-word what you're gonna say.
Speaker 2:You have to not be careful, ladies and gentlemen, and not to be on the me too boat. I do start off with something funny, so creepy, because I have a gentleman of a certain age. I'll be like Paul, we don't want. Hey, I was checking you out and most of the time you make them laugh like would you like to eat sometimes. Great yeah yeah, it's so fun I have a man you know you meet somebody online.
Speaker 2:So when I was in the street I Used to have now I'm gonna go back to some months ago where I signed up for every. Remember that when I saw every dating thing yeah, I even did for, like, farmers only. It was just like I just signed up for shout out to, for farmers only. And JD, that's not everything was crown and it was really cool because now I was there doing a creepy social experiment. They thought I was there for a date. Hey, how's your experience going? And I did this. I went, I streamed on the app that I stream I'm not gonna get a free commercial right now on the other show and I asked the question yes, I was like how is your Experience on set up? Yeah, they're like oh, it sucks. I don't ever know what to say to me and I'm socially awkward and I hate my daddy, all the things.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I do think these apps have broken our brain in some ways they've done what. Broken our brains like we don't know how to treat each other, especially on these gay apps. Man, oh my god.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Okay, they will treat you well if you look good. Obviously, if you have a photo and you look good, people are treating you nice. They don't seem to extend that to people in general, though, if they're not interested in you directly. It really is like the coldest Winter when you start talking to people and I suppose that's normal for an app. I mean I accepted.
Speaker 2:You are tall, j'sheldon. No, he's very tall, he's very attractive, he's very masculine. Hey, you know, it's like a.
Speaker 5:Viking, it's like.
Speaker 2:Viking.
Speaker 1:I could be a.
Speaker 2:Viking, so he's not splitting verbs and all the sentences are correct. Bus stop because it's a writer, so he comes over. Hey, he's towering over what percentages of people that you've met that's a really low percentage, but did it go well?
Speaker 1:Yeah, a few times. The only time I ever met someone in person it was not me making the approach, though, and they were at social events, sometimes M3 stuff, as it's all we can't count that, because they come.
Speaker 2:No, yeah no, I'm learning that. Yeah, bar, everybody who is logged in, we see you recording. Yes, really, I just continue to participate. I see you work in your comments. It's a little bit really good oh. Oh, but I can't shout out. I do that to well known. Yeah 1213 to be a mother-in-law network.
Speaker 1:So what I said?
Speaker 2:oh, Because I mentioned the predatory thing and so where see this? I think I'm gonna say that the word hygiene really gets in my craw. It denotes a certain amount of not Cleaning this or not, you know.
Speaker 1:I mean what I think is. That's what I'm saying, for me is absolutely appropriate. Let me put it this way I often get hit on by people I'm not interested in and, for whatever reason, I cannot seem to reject them outright like I'm usually like yeah, try to be nice, I don't, and so what that does.
Speaker 2:You're gonna end up dating the fucking killer one day. I have to. I'm a sidebar. You have to check on my friend because my friend gonna date the killer. Yeah, I've never one time.
Speaker 1:I've never a few. I've never one time I was at the Atlanta Eagle and I very much had the impression that I was talking to the killer and it wasn't like a Maybe it was like you are the killer. I remember we were out on the first. You know something like he was a. Take me home.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna eat him for the next 12 months. Yeah, the total last me a week.
Speaker 1:Oh god, it's awful.
Speaker 2:It is and it's terrible. I always tell people in this era of social media, oh my god. I thought you were doing. Look at the Atlanta Eagle playing clue. Yes.
Speaker 1:I also wanted to take someone home. You know that was the worst part about it. It was like I was on the Are you wanted this proud? I did. I did just that. Energy was like really killer. For lack of a better term yeah, I was just like I'm tipsy enough to do this, but I am aware enough not to.
Speaker 2:Town people. I felt bad sometimes because I offer him a place, he gets a hotel room and so he's alone. So I am desperately afraid. When you do that, you know because you are alone and I have never met the killer, thank God. Yeah neither have you, because you saw live, yeah, but I just I don't know. Okay, internet and apps make things a little safer. Yeah, a little bit, you can screen the killer. No, a little bit yeah killer.
Speaker 1:I think there's a. As long as I know, that is their accurate name and I have to be have an accurate image of them. So you do share. Yeah, I'll share my image with someone.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah and do Malcolm, put that phone number in cash. It's, 75% of all Americans have cash. Yo, I'm telling you y'all that's a tip, and yo the joints, because I'm freaking a like Ty boy ski. We know shit like that, nope, but we're like Cliff Johnson, okay, okay.
Speaker 1:That's a good point.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That is. Oh, okay, I hear you Verify their real name, because you can't use fake names or your bank account or whatever. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, or you can't use the alias.
Speaker 1:You can, and that's true.
Speaker 2:You can use whatever you want, but if you're being something, like that's a good way and yeah, the way is, facetime is always good. I think, god for just common sense. Yeah you know, yeah. We came along and dating. When you had to send pictures through the mail, I did a 50. Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know, I was there too. I was young when that was the case.
Speaker 5:You know, I was a teenager.
Speaker 1:I was out in the streets when I was a teenager.
Speaker 2:Unfortunately, yeah, that's.
Speaker 1:That's what we're talking about social back when Yahoo Personals was like yeah, I did Yahoo chat rooms. I never did get. I did a land for man Atlanta. Yeah, there was a lot of. Cincinnati because the messenger app had rooms in it, like it was not in the browser, it was like a separate application.
Speaker 2:Well now, when you're scaring itself? Because you could be whenever, whoever, because you didn't have to give Picture proof.
Speaker 1:No, you didn't.
Speaker 2:The other thing is Socially welcome about these things. If I'm not gonna tell you I am not available to FaceTime at all, ever. Right, doing the work there, I see that it's late at night. I don't play time to light on. When I get you in the morning, they'll get you in the morning, let's go. I just don't want to FaceTime. Then they have to kill up or he. That's a fake profile.
Speaker 1:Yeah, straight up when I was younger, though I think I was just more desperate for physical attraction now that I've had enough To not be impressed by In a few guys. For instance, there was this one guy who's cute, he was from Alabama. I was just like. He's about an hour and a half away or so. He immediately wanted to trade pictures and all this shit. I was like Know you Shit?
Speaker 2:I thought he's willing to be like hey.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, and maybe that's just on me and he was like young and hot and I was just like I made me feel Less than, in a way, like he's. It felt like out of my league, almost really talk to me really. Yeah, like he's, like a former college football player. The dude was just stacked as far as body, face, everything, and I did feel a little shook. I was just like he's, this man's got his choice and he's on one of these apps, right, like he is any. I felt that way when I was messaging with him, like he didn't have enough time to talk to me. This is for other dudes in his inbox. You know that was the better.
Speaker 2:You assume that I'm making that assumption.
Speaker 1:I don't think so right. So it doesn't matter, cuz I don't Hello attractive person.
Speaker 2:People always assume that I have someone or I'm doing something or no. Not me, nigga, whatever. Obviously, the whole Saturday night eating Ben and Jerry's like the rest of you niggas, shout out the pen and Jerry's chucky monkey, send me Fucking jutsu. Pit balls at my friends. Or Malcolm's triggering me on the telephone yeah, someone's out of my league.
Speaker 2:I think God has bought me a blessing, because if that's about self-esteem, yeah, or Deserving so I had a conversation with someone else on the app that I'm streaming on. They were like I wouldn't even know what to do with you. I would, hopefully, you would, yeah, but let me just tell you it's that's a self-esteem issue, but COVID has made social hygiene ten times worse. Yeah, I'm a friend of my who teaches high school. He's all you know, these man, all these niggas a killer Right now. Because think about you, come back when you left school. You're in the 10th grade. You come back, you're a senior. There was a lot of growth that should have happened between those years and so you everybody goes inside. In two years land, you come out and in most, some people got into relationships COVID relationships.
Speaker 5:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Well.
Speaker 1:So I thought about that. I thought about that, like this person who I'm talking about, I'm not to tell you when we get off air, I'm gonna switch the patreon and I will. So here was the thing that happened, and now you want your opinion on this one. They took a photo, a group photo, and there were some Mutual friends in the photo what maybe think less of him. Like this, one of those things where we've like chatted and talked about. It's like okay, I don't know what that means, but it doesn't mean anything good to me.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's a deal, that's a deal breaker. Yeah, you don't have those little pictures, you know, just snap a picture he does that too.
Speaker 1:And then this is another thing about social Right. Talking about hygiene, he never has a history of photos on his Instagram, right? He Periodically deletes the photos that he posts problem so that it's only the most recent ones that are available. That's also to me problem. It works though, because it.
Speaker 2:Because the question I posed while I still have my public here Hmm, wouldn't think differently of someone who like why not? Okay, so that I have pictures If you go back for another. People see exit. Yeah, of course I didn't spend. I ain't been alone all my life. Now I do. I have not posted pictures of my ex-wife and my kids and grandkids. I don't do that because we were crazy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, that's a good idea. I've thought about that too. I think my brother doesn't post pictures of our my niece, his daughter and I don't think he should. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I've noticed that too, because now with AI face recognition, it can go back that far. It's just really sad.
Speaker 2:But yeah and so I know Again. I just don't have the lifespan. Oh, let me go back and delete these.
Speaker 1:Exactly. I think I've been on facebook now 14 years. That's so fucking crazy that 2007.
Speaker 2:That's a eight, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was a little different back then too. It was a lot more for me. It was focused a lot more on groups that I was a part of and obviously the ones I started, and sometimes they were as small as 20 people and that was pretty cool. It was a group like a friend of a friend who joined, and they would be joking every day, like every morning. They were rib each other like they were roasting each other every morning. That's hot yeah it was funny.
Speaker 2:It was just like every notice, now that it's turned into like a dating cesspool.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm in that pool, I'm swimming, diving in. Like you got any post now oh, you're so hot I love. I tell you a really good first trap, one that was glorious to me. And someone says show me your best beard pick. Like people were Showing off beard faces and I was like, oh, and the funny thing is the von hat the winner. He did Because people would like him, like some people would get nine, ten something, I think, on at 30 likes he was like he won the beard contest.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:I think he died a little gray in his beard, because I don't think he has that much gray he does. No, I asked him. He does. It's not he, there's natural.
Speaker 2:Yeah, hold on, I lost my microphone. Yeah.
Speaker 1:That little streak of gray is is everything. Yeah it's natural, it's not.
Speaker 2:Lucky bastard nasty.
Speaker 1:It is, I just want to see him.
Speaker 2:Oh, I'm not gonna say that we go for the benefit of oh. Jesus. Okay, All right.
Speaker 1:He was wearing some shit. Today I was. Just anyway, I will let that go, because I realize I'm live and I'm not supposed to, and I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
Speaker 1:Sorry on that note. I spoke a little bit about that earlier today. I had some technical difficulties with his Broadcast but we re aired it this morning. But you can check him out every Sunday at five. I didn't really give much explanation on that If you happen to see it on Monday, but that was the explanation. We are going to be doing a much more intimate live show with swag on Tuesday. Thing what's funny is like a couple of these guests I think would probably be good on his show. Both of them are older Gays so and he's been thinking about talking about issues.
Speaker 1:Basically go ahead and say it older, gay shit. Yes, we can take. Uh also, make sure to check out the diggler digest every Thursday at 8 pm. Of course you can check me out Wednesday At 7 and, of course, gray, saturday at noon. I think I'm just gonna go on over to patreon so we can finish the recording. So let me move right into the next topic standing on business. I love new terminology, just like a social hygiene.
Speaker 5:Standing on business is A slang term that the young folks are using to say I'm taking no shit, I'm gonna play it right here for the ladies out there who don't know what it actually looks like to stand on business, here's a couple examples Hello, I know, hold on, you hold on. Then I hung up.
Speaker 3:Being honest, I am not a huge fan of inconsistency. I love communication. I love just knowing what's going on if we're on the same page. But you approached me initially and then I hadn't really heard from you and now you're here, like how's your monday going? Not please communicate, because otherwise I'm not really a big fan of going back and forward to the text thing, like I'm a busy girl and I like things to be clear.
Speaker 5:This actually makes me so proud. We're not haggling with grown men. We're not overlooking red flags. We're not giving them the benefit of the doubt. We're not giving men a million and one second chances. As soon as we see Signs and symptoms of disrespect, we're out of there. We're gonna cut you off. We're gonna give you that one last warning. If you get that now Don't get me wrong Stand on business might leave you like this, but it also is gonna help to protect you and make sure that you're not getting used. Take an advantage of that. Some man is not out here wasting your time, that you're not wasting your own time. Stand on business is about you saying I know what I have, I know what I bring to the table and I'm not settling. And the minute I feel like that's what you're trying to make me.
Speaker 2:She's so angry sometimes. I love it. I love this one.
Speaker 1:You love her, it's like I want her to adopt me and take me to the movies. What?
Speaker 2:I don't know what.
Speaker 1:I don't know. I saw one time she had a family outing with the kids or something she's buried with children and I was like I want to just jump in the car with her. But no, I just love how angry she is. Yeah, because I think for me, anger is Appropriate when you're being taken advantage of. I think she does take it out on these sort of male podcasters.
Speaker 1:That is entitled energy. That is sort of like how do I put it? Yeah, like what she's describing the standing on business thing is what you have to do when sometimes you are even attracted to someone right, like I thought about it with the dude I was telling you about on instagram, who has a very curated page. He's super hot, like he's everything physically that I would want, but what he's saying is something that is, for me, giving me off this energy. Like you need to pursue me. This is what you know. Take it or leave it. This is what I want. And one of the things I liked about that video Was she was like don't get it wrong standing on business might mean you break your own heart. You might end up breaking your heart because what you want is not good for you sometimes. That's just what it is Like sometimes. That thing, that delicious morsel, is going to give you the runs. Wow, wow, I do not want the runs.
Speaker 1:I do remember someone who had a shellfish allergy who could not stop eating them Because they could eat a few if they had the right amount of food, like it wouldn't make them that sick and they just love it. And it was some sort of crab dish. I'm like, what are you doing? It's like you love crab that much. Did you willing to be like breaking out, like it wasn't even? They just kept on going. Yeah, we do that. I think we often do that, and that's where I get off with some of these guys who I feel, when I said it feels like they're out of my league. I feel they're out of my league. I don't necessarily mean they're better than me on the hierarchy, no, but that's not what I mean.
Speaker 2:What I mean is that they are off.
Speaker 1:You're going to be going in the statement yeah, they are off somewhere else doing something else that I am not a part of. You know what I'm saying? Like they are running this whole I'm hot, come worship me, feeling that I'm just not that person. Like I, even if I do think you're hot and if I would want to worship you, I can't. That is something constitutionally that would keep me from doing that. I would just I wouldn't even feel ashamed, I'd just be laughing, like at myself, like why am I doing this? Why? Why? Because you would think it's ridiculous. I would think it's ridiculous. Yeah, I'd just be laughing. I could still make that laugh. But, that being said, it's a way about going about it. Like I said, this dude, I don't even know his name and I shouldn't call it even if I did.
Speaker 1:This is an example that I run into a few of those and there's there are sometimes when I know I was standing on business because I to me that's my default position. I really am a bad guy who is going to tell you everything that I don't like about you. I didn't be curious as to why don't returns to call. I didn't want to stand on business, but I often regret it too. Often wonder what it would be like if I were of a different mindset and I did go along with it like that dude, we could have fucked several times, probably. And but that's not who I am, or at least that's not who I want to be, and currently I'm not. So does it stand on business? What do you?
Speaker 2:think I don't know. It's like bootylicious or confiscate vernacular and language moves on. Eight was a dirty word when I was coming up.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, eight isn't a weird. I've got many red marks on the paper and even as a person of color, I've got many red marks on them because we speak differently. Yeah, and you and I do a really good, pretty good job of speaking the English, but we speak a certain way. We have a certain cadence with our families, we and I just think it's the next focus on words, on the concept, something that you should be doing anyway, absolutely. I'll go and receive the question. This guy said they want to spend time with you and then you do, and then they ghost you standing on business will be like fuck it, move on.
Speaker 2:I always make this statement. You can't love the thing that doesn't love you back. That's not love.
Speaker 1:Yeah. You just a color obsession, or they have a technical term in psychology, call it limits when you are perceiving attraction from someone else and you are then reciprocating a non existent perceived attraction. Same idea it's just like you are it is. It's unbalanced.
Speaker 2:It is. I've been standing on business a long time in front of the head of the game, but I just don't. I've learned not to take bullshit. Yeah, I'm not, you know what I mean, but I don't play that. I got things to do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, I just brought it up because that's something I want for all my people. Really, it's just please, stand on business. You may break your own heart and it's worth it, because what the alternative is me and broken for a few hours or days, or however long it is, versus slowly chipping away at your ego, at your sense of self worth. It's a lot worse to not stand on business. So I just, yeah, you know, I mean honestly, excuse me one second.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm like I dated this person and until this person I did not know what verbal abuse was. Yeah, and it took me a few months to figure it out. And one day I was standing in the grocery stores. You know you picked up the wrong bridge. You're a dumb motherfucker, Because in my head that's how niggas talk to each other. I want to go punk bitch. Fuck you, nigga. You know what I mean. No, it's not. That was abusive. Yeah, I found myself rushing to do stuff and trying to figure out like, oh, this shit ain't right, he's gonna be mad, and I was like I feel sound like an abused ass woman.
Speaker 2:No slight to abuse women man an abused person is what I sound like yeah, and I caught myself and I had to go back and stand on business. That's how I technically ended up in Atlanta. I just left everything. Yeah, I'm not sure it looked like I went to the store.
Speaker 1:That's the story that people say when you get cigarettes or milk, it never came back it was real anime.
Speaker 2:I had a bunch of shit. You know I had 32 cents in the Amacode card. I got into a yellow taxi and went on down to the Amtrak and got the Amtrak to the airport and flew on down to. What happened was in 2018. I went on a cruise with my birthday with my family and then I came back the actual day of my birthday I decided I wanted to go back home. I wanted to come visit family with Atlanta and I just fucking stayed.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And at the time I didn't realize but my mind and my soul and my spirit needed a rest.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I did run across the highway. I did. I was very much an anime, being a masculine man and being in control of my emotions. I feel very vulnerable right now Trying to be in control of my emotions. It was really weird because it was like yo, how can I allow myself to be in a abusive relationship? Yeah, that makes me less than a man as I run across the highway.
Speaker 1:I think it's one of those. It is step by step, really, because one of the things I said was like, again it's, you're lured in by something. You want more than just something. You want something that you need in order to be fulfilled.
Speaker 2:You're crazy. I mean ill enough dude, like there were still suitors, that was better than this motherfucker and I didn't. I was crazy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was on my Beyonce.
Speaker 2:I was crazy enough.
Speaker 1:And that's where you go. It's not necessarily about what the person has. You're chasing a feeling anyway.
Speaker 2:What I was that person was. I talked to my therapist. Consequently, yeah, and you know how we always say, oh, I want masculine dude. He was. I felt it was just masculine. As I was, I didn't think the abuse was more like oh, he's Josh, he's kidding, I never talked to him.
Speaker 1:I thought of that too. I thought about that too where, like I said, people will make jokes. I didn't say, oh, it was just a joke In my instant responses always. Then why is it funny Tell? Me what's so funny about that joke.
Speaker 2:Why is abusing me funny you know what happened when I got here and I got honest, I got on the app. So he started feeling love for your social structure and I met some of the sweetest guys I met some nicest guys that were the total antithesis of what he was.
Speaker 2:And then I had to. I accidentally ran into my job. I was the nicest people there. Everybody was so nice and I felt like I could cocoon and heal. You don't have to be so rough Cause on top of being verbally abused, I was in New York. You have to be New York tough.
Speaker 5:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Ready to go outside and fight at a moment's notice. Move out the way. I had to be there when I said so there's many different kinds of ways to stand on business.
Speaker 5:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, notice when you're standing on business. But you stand on it and my buddy, I do when I was crossing the highway, I was thinking about my parents and my family. They were wanting better for me.
Speaker 5:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I need to want better for myself. And subsequently the small fucker didn't pay. I was gone for any bills whatsoever. It was just crazy. He just lay there and expected me to pay the bills. Oh, cause he thought I was going back, right.
Speaker 5:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Oh no, you need to pay the rent. And I kept making excuses and never going back. So eventually you got to make my life so get out, and then I had to go and do things. It was hard to manage.
Speaker 1:That's not unusual. I've heard of that.
Speaker 3:Really.
Speaker 1:Yeah, from the someone who was abused, leaving under the impression of coming back. And actually several cases where, like they were saying, married couple and they go on a family vacation but go spend time with their family and be like where'd they go? They're not, they're not here, they're not coming. And I remember it was a story about someone at our church who did that where their family left and he kept up the charade that they were off visiting their mother with the kids. For two years he kept going. At some point you realize that I visited a kid, but yeah, okay, before I go, I do have one more topic for you in the show I was thinking about this. It's a video about a book. I'm not going to read the book. What Wait?
Speaker 2:a minute. America. Can I get this? Shit in writing.
Speaker 1:Wait a minute, I'm not reading the book.
Speaker 2:The engineer room. Stop, I fucked your recording up. Stop, wait a second. I feel like Beyonce's top. Let me fix my hair. You don't going to read the book.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:I'm like reading.
Speaker 1:Probably the reason why is that it's I probably should read more fiction but the reason is that it's a book of fiction. It sounds good, but I think the concept he's explaining the concept of it. It's like a multiversal story.
Speaker 2:And I remember I can't keep up with that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, so he'll explain it, hopefully well enough so that I can hear it as well. I noticed when I play the videos they skip around or whatever. In the last few days I'm going to have to work on that, but here I'm going to play it.
Speaker 4:Hopefully I can remember what you said. So the last book I read was called the Midnight Library by Matt Hague. It was an excellent book. I enjoyed it. I give it a five stars out of five.
Speaker 4:It was the story of a woman who finds herself depressed and, as a result, she basically takes steps to end her life and in doing so she is shunted to a magical place. It's a wonderful life. She is in this Midnight Library where all the shelves are full of books and the books are essentially a multiverse, where she can look and read and essentially relive or live for the first time versions of her life had she not had regrets. She gets to try fame and fortune and love and try to find happiness and ultimately she does find that happiness. But then there's the challenge of can she just take over this other version of her life without having lived it?
Speaker 4:I thought it did a really good job of examining how we often have expectations that we have not examined that will affect how we look at our life and will make us disappointed and sad and depressed. And sometimes it's a matter of perspective and some of those things that we will think so hard about. Should I have dated that person or this person, we will find that no, it wouldn't have worked out like we think it will when we can't have it. And so I appreciated how well it was written and how well it seemed to examine how some of these choices wouldn't have worked out. There were moments in the book where I saw, oh okay, I think I know where this is going, but still was enjoying the ride, even though there were times where it definitely was a little predictable. You could tell in some situations, oh, she's not going to like this and it was really good and very much a lot of quantum leap where someone jumped from life to life and as a fan of that television series, I enjoyed it and I enjoyed some of the magic in it, some of the real life examination of relationships and how they could be affected by the choices we make. So I really enjoyed the book and did not want to put it down at different times and got to the end and was super happy about it.
Speaker 4:The Midnight Library by Matt Hague really great book if you're into books about reading and books about people and books where you get a little slice of someone's life and all the ways in which it could have gone and how we think about ourselves and our relationships and how we can often get so caught up in regrets. I thought I did a really good job of examining that. Check it out. I got it from the library and enjoyed it in a few days. Midnight Library by Matt Hague five stars out of five for me.
Speaker 2:Now you're going to shit your pants when I tell you this.
Speaker 3:What's that?
Speaker 2:I want to read that book. That is one book I want to read, like the one book that you're not going to write, of course.
Speaker 1:Of course, yeah, I might check it out.
Speaker 2:I'm going to invite him on the show.
Speaker 1:Send me, I will he seems like a cool guy yeah.
Speaker 2:Do we think he's part of this?
Speaker 1:No, as far as I know, he's married with kids, but I know that he's no. See, I was wrong. I thought it was a gay. Yeah, he has a little bit of a soft touch, I'll give you that.
Speaker 2:I'm not one of those guys who I think everybody's gay, so I won't pick that.
Speaker 1:No, I think it was a reasonable assumption because he was a little soft in his affect.
Speaker 2:And I like that, though Some women Women like yeah, and not everybody can be gay brother, if you've ever seen this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, not everybody wants that, or nor can they be that.
Speaker 4:I know some really effeminate men who are absolutely straight yeah, and they're friends of my whole, friend of mine.
Speaker 2:He's a hairdresser, he is. He and his wife own a shop together and I'm like you show him on high. You're not the homo, he's like. I don't even know Gray, but that sounds like a book.
Speaker 1:I love.
Speaker 2:Quantum Leap, that's true.
Speaker 1:I like it yeah.
Speaker 2:You got me on a few other assignments right now.
Speaker 1:The one I had you reading was one I already read and it was called the Sweet Spot and I was talking about sort of the meaning that comes from suffering, which is, I thought, you might get some.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, which is very good, because I'm in the middle of suffering right now.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Can I be transparent? Sure, I'm having a day to Like I am so sick of recovery. Yeah, I'm doing well, I'm getting around, but it's tough. It's really tough. I want to go outside. I want to do things.
Speaker 5:And I can.
Speaker 2:It's a little labor intensive, it's a little. I have to think about it. I have to think about things oh, if I get in the Uber, is the Uber going to be picking up? And what if I have pain when I get out? And so everybody in my life is on the outside of me. Of course, you know, oh, you're doing so well, you're doing fantastic, but what I see is a mom, for the case, leave at night because my back hurt. I can't do this because I have to. Oh, do I put on shoes? Do I put on those slip socks or whatever?
Speaker 5:it is.
Speaker 2:And that's what I'm saying today. I'm yesterday as well. I'm like I'm really struggling with this whole thing of God why, am I suffering? You know it's been six months of BS, Like it's been. I didn't walk for a couple of months and then I finally got up speed. I'm walking, I'm showering. There's still certain things I can't do for a little smaller than I can do for myself, but I'm getting there. But I've been therapy three times a week and it's tough to work and facilitate a relationship. We're here with the three.
Speaker 2:It's just tough. I almost feel like a wall is coming. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:I think you should take a break, and you're saying you need to take a break.
Speaker 3:No, I have.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I can.
Speaker 5:Like I gotta do my stuff yeah.
Speaker 2:Do my stuff. Might as well do this. This is not my job. This is a sense of joy. At point it used to not because I felt like you're into it, like you force me into most things True story America but now it's a sense of joy and pride. I don't know if you guys see the three. I did unboxing of some clothes. Oh, really. But 700 views of that, and I happen to have a thousand views now and now. I don't think I've ever had a video to do those kind of love those men.
Speaker 2:I see, I mean I mentioned the show. Saturday is a 12. I mean I'm talking on the internet work. Yeah, that's a good idea. Did go on Facebook and look on my page for this hundred views already. But it's over a thousand because I got two or three hundred one. Instagram, yeah, and it's just going to another video. Everybody loves no bitch, no lightning in the bottle. I can't do it again. So I think this part of my life is joy for me, but the end so a little bit about me, like I'm used to recovering.
Speaker 3:I'm used to rehabbing.
Speaker 2:But this is taking the longest time in my life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's at a different time in your life too, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, like I'm a half a hundred yeah.
Speaker 1:I was thinking about that like a lot. We can take so much more when we're younger physically. You know what I mean. That's part of what the injury to money is. It's not about the pain, it's about the fact that it's not healing as fast as it used to, because I've had this pain before and it's never going to heal the way it used to. And that's the sort of existential thing about it, because I'm never going to be younger.
Speaker 2:Well, God, I would beg for 40 year old me. Let me tell you.
Speaker 1:I know right Exactly, I don't wear a mark, I have a comment for you.
Speaker 2:I read somewhere Somebody said Malcolm refusing to read a book is like Keith Lee Refuting to review food. What say America says yeah.
Speaker 1:No, the thing is. I want to read that. I already got two other books I'm currently reading. That's all I can't put a third one I finished. What the fuck was the name of the book? Sapiens is a very long book about the history of humanity from biological standpoint.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, since we're on books and movies, I started this this movie on Netflix, called with Julia Roberts and Michelle Ali.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:I don't know, I don't want to stress, I don't want to go through shit that stresses me. Yeah, it's a yeah thriller. Yeah, yeah, I love Julia Roberts. I haven't seen her in a while. She looks the same. She has a good surgeon.
Speaker 1:I saw that, yeah, that's all the yes. Netflix has gone all out for that movie too, like they've been giving these like social influencers, like full on kits Bro, because I'm showing.
Speaker 2:they paid a gazillion dollars. The cast is Missala Ali, julia Roberts.
Speaker 1:Is it Ed Norton? Yeah, I think so. I know the main forecast All of them have Oscars. It's fucking bacon, kevin fucking bacon. It's a stack cast. And not only is it just a stack cast, but a stack cast of people who I actually liked, yeah.
Speaker 2:Football Sunday so. I accidentally started it. I'm thinking about when I finish this, I'm going to watch some more of it.
Speaker 5:That was funny.
Speaker 2:I didn't like watching movies at home before, but now I do so I watch it in episodes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I just stop. That's what's so lovely about watching at home, are you not a?
Speaker 2:huge TV person Right.
Speaker 3:No.
Speaker 2:Are you, but you're a huge movie at home. Person.
Speaker 1:So I need the break. Like I don't think I can have a. I don't have an attention span that lasts more than an hour, oh so is it?
Speaker 2:so are we saying that we think my attention span is changed?
Speaker 1:It's possible yeah, oh my God.
Speaker 2:I don't need to.
Speaker 1:It's fine you just have to function differently. It's not a moral judgment.
Speaker 2:No, I don't think so myself, but I'm not.
Speaker 1:It could be just the fact that you have other shit you want to do. That's what mine is. After a while I get antsy and I'm like I want to do something else.
Speaker 2:I don't see that as a bad thing, because so I'm going to tell y'all the truth we're all a family here. I wanted to fast forward to the end and then it was like, oh, I watched it.
Speaker 1:See now, I have done that in the past, certainly with books like I'll do the review or read it super fast and not really understand it, so it might as well have been not read. I don't feel the need to do that anymore, only because no one is impressed at all. If they are, they didn't resent you.
Speaker 2:Who the fuck done it?
Speaker 1:I want to know who done it. And then I realized I don't like people who brag about all this shit they consume, even if it's stuff that I don't put it. You're not special because you watch something like it was made to be part of who done it. Malcolm, I love a who done it. I do. I was actually. I used to read Mr Murder Mysteries when I was like seven and eight. That's partly because my brother was reading them and I just picked them up.
Speaker 3:But I enjoyed it.
Speaker 2:Fuck, this is my Netflix I'll pay for, but just fast forward to the end. I'm good up in here. I got this.
Speaker 1:You. That's what Wikipedia is for, though, honestly, they bill somewhere as a plot for you.
Speaker 2:They have, but they don't tell you. Oh, okay, yeah, All right, a team. I'm going to finish it by Saturday, so it's going to be it's almost three hours. Oh okay, I didn't know, so just problem four and five fucking chunky monkey almost melted when I was trying to watch it. This is not good. Please, this podcast, the entry bag, has to be found wherever you find your local podcast and Mark, we need to have the refreshment. Yeah, we're going to start.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we'll do that immediately after this, and thank you so much for listening to the M3 Bearcast. We'll catch you in the next episode.