Balancing Energies and Responsibility

In this episode of the M3 Bear Cast, Malcolm Travers unpacks two deeply entangled topics: the duality of masculine and feminine energy, and our shared responsibility to one another in dating and beyond. From cultural hangups around tops and bottoms to the confusion many gay Black men face when navigating gender roles in same-sex relationships, the conversation is raw, funny, and revealing. We also explore a powerful question: do we owe each other honesty—even when it’s uncomfortable? With personal stories, lively dialogue, and plenty of shade, this episode challenges the status quo while offering a space for reflection, growth, and community wisdom.

Transcript

  📍  📍  Hello, and welcome to the M three Bear Cast. My name is Malcolm Traverse. Male Media Mind is a grassroots organization dedicated to uplifting and unifying our community through dialogue, insight, creativity, and knowledge. And on the M three Bear cast, I'd like to break down some of the topics that I've done on my live stream in more detail and give extra context for those. Who were watching. So this one is from this one's gonna talk about two topics. One on duality of masculine and feminine, and the second being our collective responsibility to one another. I.

 

Basically I had this conversation with the guys a few weeks ago and unfortunately the conversation kind of tipped right back into. Dominance submission, tops and bottoms. I don't think we ever really had a deep and abiding discussion of like energetic differences.

But I did enjoy the attempt. I'm always learning from different people's experiences. I'm glad that we can even have the conversation 'cause I know sometimes whenever I do bring up. Masculinity and femininity in the live streams. We get into arguments about certain positive traits not being masculine or feminine. But yeah I think there was an example. I think Devon was mentioning the fact that one of, when one of his exes was breaking up with him, he felt that he was a little too nurturing. And I think the concept of a man being nurturing was maybe too feminine for him, and I think that's legitimate. If that's their preference. I think a lot of times though, when preferences meet cultural expectations people feel entitled to those preferences in a sense. And I am of the mind that we should question. Our gender roles and the things that are assigned to us by culture and truly get a genuine feel for what our preferences are rather than what we're made to feel is right for us. So I enjoyed the conversation. I hope that you do as well. And here we go. 

  

 

. Last week I did a topic about like the reasons why we want to understand the truth. And I did this video of like contrast, simultaneous contrast illusion. And it got me to thinking about the idea of duality. I. And one of the things duality in nature is just the idea that in order for us to perceive something, there has to be, its opposite. If everything is uniform, if everything is one, like a lot of people think, the highest level of spirituality is to recognize that the entire universe is one thing. In order for us to even have an experience or to perceive anything, we have to draw contrast between us and that I and Dao, but in all things there's duality. And one of the more interesting dualities that we often discuss on here is masculinity and femininity. I have done so many videos about it, and it always gets down into this is masculine, this is feminine. No it's not. Yes, it's, no, it's not. And it's like these arguments about what is feminine, what is masculine. So I do have some lists of things that are masculine feminine, but we're not gonna be talking about like aesthetics. We're talking about more behavioral. Spiritual energy or energetic. Masculine and feminine. And before I get into the list, I'm gonna just play this video. Just talking about duality and masculine feminine, and we'll talk about it. The actor Richard Grant, once said in an interview that he thought every happy relationship involves a balancing of forces. There is a masculine energy and there is a feminine energy, but this is not about genitalia because Grant thought that he was the feminine energy in his relationship. This is not new wisdom. It's very ancient indeed, and it's probably one of the most famous tattoos and symbols in the world. The yin yang is the idea that there is a duality to everything, but this is not some kind of oppositional conflict between two rivals, but rather the harmony that's found in the contrast between two things. The yin yang is not one black thing and one white thing, but rather the black has a bit of white, and the white has a bit of black harmony, yet contrast. Yin is associated with darkness, femininity, mystery, passivity. The night sky or the old and yang is associated with lightness, energy, activity, clarity, the sun or youth. But neither yin nor yang are superior in any way. While yin is associated with the negative, it is better thought of as the terminal on a battery. And so to live well, we need both yin and yang. We need the wildness of fire and the stillness of water. We need laughter and then tears, company and then solitude, passion, and then calm. Good life is finding the balance between two extremes. A world without light would be hellish, but so too with one of constant day. So I, when we get into this idea of masculinity and the reason why I think a lot of people get hung up on it is that whenever you describe something that's masculine, and especially a positive trait, we'll say of course women have those traits too, so let's be. Get from the start that the whole idea of balance and duality suggests that of course, men can be feminine, women can be masculine, and there's nothing wrong with it or abnormal about it. In fact, it's part of the idea of the yin yang. There's a bit of masculinity within femininity itself, right? That it's a balance, it's a polarity, but it's also like a recognition of this sort of internalized aspect of ourselves. So even in psychology, Freud had this idea of the animus and the anima. So a man would have anima, which is like a feminine energy within themselves, and a woman would have animus, which is masculine energy within themselves. And part of what attracts, opposite people is that, their animus or anima being attracted to, like energy with someone else. Like that's part of what creates attraction, which creates energy, which creates polarity, is are these opposites? Yeah, them coming together. So let me do this little, I hope this actually works. Made a little slideshow. These are some traits that are associated with masculinity. I started with positive traits. And of course I'm not talking about what looks masculine, but these are like common traits. Stay in protectiveness, decisiveness, stoicism discipline, courage, loyalty and focus. These are all like, obviously within both men and women, both in the masculine and feminine, but this is just more associated with masculine energy, so to speak. Here are some of the negative traits of masculinity, I believe. That's right. So rigidity, I guess that would, be this arrogance suppressing vulnerability, aggression, dominance. Yeah. It's like the inverse of a lot of those positive traits taken to an extreme, so to speak. Then we have like feminine energy, positive feminine energy empathy, adaptability intuition patience, collaboration, adaptability, and nurturance

. It has always been my experience in the gay spectrum that things are turned on their head. ' Cause in undergrad you study these things and you say and it tends to, this is crazy, but it tends to work in a heterosexual marriage or relationship. To apply it to a gay, 'cause I've had both. And it's because you have to treat, yes, there are, passive and aggressive roles in the relationship. But it is a, we, especially with two black men, it's a wee bit different. And I haven't thought about it enough just yet, so I'm gonna even end it right here because I haven't thought about it enough. Yeah. Is, but it's a little different. Yeah. Yeah. And I would say I appreciate you saying that because I don't think these are meant to be just like off the top of your head. Give it some thought. And these, this is one of the reasons why I want to do a reading club is I want to read next month. I'm looking for a book that is specifically, targeted about masculinity positive and negative aspects of masculinity. So I'm still looking for that and we could talk about it on a deeper level. I can tell you the example. The example I have in a is my mother. My mother, ironically, my mother. Built the high school I attended when I was in grade school. So she would work construction during the day, but by the time I got home, she looked like Donna Reed, she had, and she was very much the disciplinarian, but at the same time, she was very feminine. She was very much a woman, and it came to a head when I got in trouble in school one day and the princip was like, I'm gonna call your mama and then call my mama. And she come with a hard hat on looking dusty, and she was mad as shit, Malcolm, you know what I'm saying? I never seen her without her nails cleaned and done. And so I'm sitting there by face, but that's in my 10-year-old, 11-year-old mind. That's when I began to understand that. Everything is on the spectrum now. My father was more passive. It wasn't gay, passive, but it was, yeah, do what your mama say. Do you know? Just like you gonna get it. And so then when I got married, guess I, my, my wife is not bossy, but she's definitely a boss. You know what I mean? She don't need no man. But, and then the interesting thing was, I have my own, aggressiveness and so yeah. When I decided to, have another relationship that was same sex men wanted to be treated, as an equal, but some men didn't want to be treated as an equal at the same time. Yeah. Just help me with this thing. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. They 'cause okay, and this is, this has been what I think it is, and this has been my experience. And when I talk to different people about what they believe their role should be in a relationship with two, with the same with two men. It's okay, if I'm the bottom, and this is back from when I even, when I came out, out being gay. And what I learned was what I was taught was being the bottom means that you are the woman, basically of the legislate. You're the, I hate to say it that way, follow that. If you're the, if like my guy told me if I'm the bottom, I you have to go out there and work and bring home the bread. I'm gonna stay at home and do the cooking and the cleaning. And I'm just like, what? I was just like, wow. Okay. And I, since I'm a bottom, you should only, your only focus should be. On certain parts of me, not parts that you, I'm just like oh, we're doing this. Okay, bro. Swear I have a problem as the should part. Because if that's what you want more power to you. Yeah. Because I want to be feminine because I want to be passive. I would like this. I would like that. All of those things seem whatever it is you like, ask for it. Yeah. And I think what's interesting though is that there are a lot of positive traits that are considered feminine, which, I'm gonna go back to this list. That obviously men can embody, none of these are things that men should not have. But you know what, you've also had like I've seen this I'm pretty sure we've all seen this post where there's a guy says, if I'm the top of my ship, my bottom does not work. My bottom has no need for anything. My bottom stays at home. There's a cookie in the clean them, I'm the top, I'm the breadwinner. I'm the leader of the house because I'm the top, and I'm the masculine one there. And I was just like, oh if that's what you want. If that's what you want, more power to you, but I a Bills break, can I turn in my card switch? Amen. I don't know where that comes from. You know what I mean? Yeah, I did. And I'm gonna be honest with you. I can tell you a little bit about it. It's basically the industrial revolution. There used to be a point at which both men and women shared the chores around the house. Especially if you farmed and you both took care of the house. But when you had the industrial revolution and people went off to factories to work, that's when you had the separation of labor and it was, yeah. Women were the CEO of the house, you could say. And they probably maintained a certain amount of autonomy over the house, but nowhere else, other, and that, that's where the term that is work, running a house is work. Yeah. Yeah. It's a lot of work. Yeah. Yeah. And also that's what the, that's what the term happy wife, happy life came from too. Is that the, at the, yeah, I, mark, I'm gonna be honest with you, and I think we discussed this in private and not in public, and that we discussed, I didn't experience that until I became, until I came to Atlanta swag, sort the separation of general. Okay. With that I can get with that. Oh no. And the bill come and be like, you got your half. Is it ever your turn? You know what I mean? Yeah. There's a lot of southernness to that too. Yeah. Ooh, Jesus. Yes. You gotta remember that a lot of the cultures, southern cultures versus northern we're from different areas of the world, and there, there really is like a different relationship of, okay. Yeah. General roles in the South are much more pronounced then say, don't be treating me like I'm your bitch, but you yourself and this, and then when I be like, bitch, go make me a state is a problem. You know what? And oh my gosh. And I know I'm, I know I'm probably about to hang myself with this comment about to make, don't I because I know how the gays can be, especially, and this is target towards my fem brothers out there. Okay. They, yeah. Y'all it's like y'all have taken the ideal the mindset to want to be. The woman, or a woman. Or a girl so much, to the point where y'all will do things negatively to a man that women do, to their man when things don't go right. And I'm just like. But, and then y'all then be called sis. That's my sis or that's my daughter. That's my, I'm just like, but okay. They from New Jersey. That's my daughter and I'm gonna say I have love for all my gay love, brother being out there. Love. I have nothing but love for y'all. But sometimes y'all even confuse me. I be like, I was gonna say, you know that, straight people are feeling that like times 20. 'cause that's part of the reason why Yes, that's exactly, you homophobic shit. When it comes to like gender dysphoria and homosexuality is just it just weirds them out. It weirds them out to fucking death wear them. And then they but when we do it, it's called, oh, you haven't internalized homophobia. I'm like, no I'm just fucking confused. What's going on? The called me a gay male chauvinist. Yeah. Like you gave me all these rules. And I like, I'm gonna play by the rules. And then when I be like, what you cooking? Why I gotta cook? Okay. And is my clothes clean where they at? Yeah. But I paid you, per se, to cook and wash my clothes. Yeah. Johnny. And I think that's because there's an inherent unequal between men and women and male and feminine roles. So if there was equality, it wouldn't be an issue. But like by saying, go fix me a sandwich. You're like saying that you're less than, I said, you run around here and you the CEO of God. Yeah. Blah, blah, blah. You know what I'm saying? And that's the other reason why it's really hard to even talk about masculinity, femininity, because as soon as delineate these different traits, you're kinda like saying you don't have these positive traits. Saying these are, these traits are for men, or these traits are for women. And the fact is, we all have a blend of both. A woman does not have a 14 inch cock. I'm sorry. We're not talking about physical genitalia. The way one wishes or whatever we're talking about. Like energy. Yeah. Energy. Are you aggressive? Are you passive? Do you, yeah. Are you emotional? Are you stoic? Are creative? Are these are different aspects of, personality. There's always like a Yeah, but opposite to it. Yeah, but they, go ahead. No, just, it goes beyond, the gen genitalia and it's the energy but there are some women with 13 inch dick, so yeah. Yeah, I guess you're, but also John, where you go freak people fuck out. But it's true. I'm not, for me, I don't, do she males? No. John? No. John. John. They're called trans. They're called trans women. Okay. Don't, yeah. I remember because we were talking about that yesterday. There was a, like I said, one of one of my friends came out to me and said, I like chicks with dick. Okay, good for you. Wait a minute. Back up. And what was your response? I was like, you drunk as fuck, bro. He was re up. I was just like, oh god. I like Chick with the chicks, with Dixie. Did, no, I think I did tell him that you're called trans women and he is like really called and in, in case for those out there that don't know, the term tranny is offensive. You cannot, we? Yeah. It's is offensive. Yeah. I'm sorry I can't see no woman with nails, titties. Face made up with Mac makeup eyelashes, and you railing somebody. I just, it looks odd to me. There is an audience. Should be odd. That's the point. I personally don't like it, but there is audience for it I'm just saying women are fucking other women and men all the time, dude. Like it's just what it, I reverse. The ones with the hairy chest and the muscle chest, and then you look down and they got a clitoris. I'm like, wait a minute. Not cl. It's kinda that's one of those things, like if you're not into it, then you know, just mind your business. Yeah. I'm not, I do you, that's what I'm saying. I like you. That's the whole thing about these, homophobic men who just can't stop talking about gay shit. Like, why are you talking about it? You don't like it. Like it if you don't like it, why are you just so up on that? Yeah I'm telling you, nobody is more obsessed with us than the straight people. As we learn from slack show are the straights. Okay. Yeah. But I could be at work just, driving the crew around and all of a sudden outta nowhere, some, somehow a gay topic comes up. I'm just like. Yeah, what the fuck, what did it even cover? This came outta left field. They wanna see what's in your past. That's all. I just be like, oh, okay. But to be fair, like swag and I share a heterosexual friend and he is not moved by anything because he is not gay. He is not right. Not nor stirred. He doesn't comment rudely, he doesn't say anything. He may have a question on the side, but it's a legitimate question anybody would have, you know what I'm saying? Yeah.



So I just find that to be ridiculous. Go ahead. No, it is interesting. And yeah, I'm gonna move on to our comments and questions. Do we have any just a couple. A few. Good evening. All. Hey, Damon. Or demon. Demon. Depend on the day. Don't do that, man. Like that. Good eating to my favorite people. He like, here it comes Dick murder, dick murders. I'm the, now I'm the murderer. Now I'm the killer. You're the killer anymore. But, going back to because my last ex, he had an issue with me because I'm a nurturer. I grew up, I was raised by a nurturing woman. So of course naturally I that I am a nurturing person. I have a caring heart, but he kinda had an issue with it. 'cause Oh, you're a nurturer. Oh, now this is why he, this is, he said all this while he was breaking up with me. Oh, you're a nurturer. This is the thing though. I've seen so many of these like daddy porn videos where the daddy is super nurturing. That's actually something some people want, right? Yeah. Out of their thought. I what it Nurturing. Nurturing. Come on. Nurturing some of these bills for me. I love nurturing. That's what I say. John, you missed the beginning. I was like, maybe I need to turn in my car to get Right. Exactly. So paying bills, I'm gonna





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Yeah, there's something really deep about the idea that while we are individuals and we have, our own wants and needs, we're also in some way interconnected with everyone. And I know that when I started M three, I thought about what was missing in the gay black. Manosphere, so to speak. I think there was a lot of dating advice that was very superficial. It was literally just about how to, attract somebody, how to lock someone down in a relationship. A lot of fashion tips. None of these things are bad, but, at the core of it, I thought to myself like, we need some really basic skills in dating. We need to come. With some communication skills, some empathy exercises, some inner work, learning how to love ourselves enough to say no and to have boundaries, learning how to treat other people. And I think at its core the idea was to give at the best advice that I could the sort of advice that I would've wanted to give my younger self. And I think I've done pretty good at that. It's not the most popular content. I think the reason why we see the content where it's the easy, attract them, lock them down, look good, smell good. Those things matter of course. And, on a superficial level they work. But, thinking about the deeper level of like. How can truly feel empathy for someone? How can you find interest in people's beliefs, especially when they're different than you? How do you cross the cultural divide on things, seeking to understand people versus, needing to be understood. All these sorts of things, if. A friend or a family member isn't teaching it to us, then I think the sort of random nature in which we bump into each other, I feel like that's life teaching it to you, but it's actually that person not necessarily grading you on a scale and critiquing everything about you, but being honest about what it is, like you. Telling someone like, I didn't like the amount of alcohol you were drinking at, on our date. I just, it made me feel uncomfortable. I know you don't think you have a problem, but it is a problem for me. And so that's why we're not gonna have a second date, something that simple. And not getting into an argument about it trying to control someone's behavior. It might be helpful to them. To actually have heard the words that you drink too much. Maybe they can, hear those words in their head the next time they're crashing out on an alcohol binge. Just a thought. I think we can't be overly concerned about the wellbeing of other people, but it should never be this idea that we don't have any obligation. To the person across from us, if they're another human being, we should treat them with respect and honesty whenever possible. And yeah, I think we had a pretty decent discussion about that, and I hope that you enjoy it. 

  

 we talk a lot about mental health, dating relationships and stuff, and I have to, I'll be honest, like part of. The reason I bring up these topics is I think they're good for me to, get everyone's experience from, but also like I feel like, with some of the more frivolous topics out there, I want to put stuff out into the world that actually informs people about, like how to behave, how to be a better person, how to, love yourself, those sorts of things. And so I ran across this video just gets at the heart of it like, what sort of responsibility do we feel like we have to each other? Like if on an individual level, not just a collective level. 'Cause it is like a lot to ask someone. To be like someone's therapist personally, or to teach someone how to behave properly when they're doing shit wrong. But at the same time, you would hope that someone, maybe not yourself, would do that for someone. I'm gonna play this and we'll talk about it possible that as a generation we are cooked. Imagine with me for a second that you are a girl and if you are a girl, just imagine that you are you and you go on a date with a guy. The date is not going very well. You find yourself feeling uncomfortable by this person's presence. Now, I'm going to leave this deliberately vague. We don't need to talk about what exactly this guy says or does, but generally speaking, the vibes are off. You are fairly uncomfortable. The date ends everybody parts, ways. The question is, in the aftermath of this date, do you tell them what they did or said that made you uncomfortable? Do you tell them the reason why there will be no second date or do you simply ghost them? Now, there are many good reasons to choose the second option, especially if you felt uncomfortable during the date. You don't know how this person is going to react, and so honestly, for your own safety, you should probably just cut things off and never engage with this person again. Additionally, you could rightfully say that it is not your job to teach somebody how to behave properly. You the girl in this scenario just wanted to go on a nice date and maybe meet the person that you'll end up with. You did not sign up to become somebody's therapist, even if it's just for a few moments. This is all true. This is all valid. You might even go as far as saying that you did not owe this person anything and because of that it is not your job to teach them how to be better if it is not your job, to teach them how to be better. Whose job is it? Now, we could say that it should be the job of the parents. Your parents should ideally raise you to treat everybody with respect. It should be the job of your parents to teach you when you were growing up, how to be a decent person, the kind of person that does not make people uncomfortable after meeting you for a few hours. The fact that this hypothetical gentleman does exist means that whatever his parents should have taught him when he was growing up, they did not. So that ship has sailed whose job is it to teach people how to be better? And so in this scenario, we are all faced with the question of what we should do personally right now. Ideally, parents would've done better. Ideally friends would do better. Ideally, so many different things in the world would be better. But right now in this moment, you are on a date with this person. What do you do? Now, returning to our scenario with the date, you as the woman in this situation could rightfully say that you do not owe this man anything. But an interesting question that also hangs around this entire conversation is, do you owe anything to the potential next woman that this person goes on a date with? What if you speak up, not because of him, but because of her. What if we all spoke up for each other? There is an old quote that you should never attribute to malice. That can be malice, which attributed to ignorance, which be attributed to as much as there is evil out there. It can be very difficult to distinguish between it and just plain old ignorance. Some people just do not know how they come across to other people. Our salvation lies within each other, and yet there is so much distrust, there is so much discomfort amongst each other that we can't truly talk to ourselves in the way that we need to. To overcome. In a perfect world, in a better world, we would all be able to talk to ourselves about what we are doing wrong, and in an even better world, we would also be able to listen. So DJs ghost in that scenario. Okay, you know what, so there was a skit out there. I saw all, a while ago that says, if people were more honest on the, on, on the date, and the guy and the girl both say what? What went wrong? And said, be more honest. He's I will never call you. I'm not expecting, I won't be expecting your call on no second date. No second date. Okay. Goodnight. And that's how the skip it went down the whole list of what was right, but more so what was wrong and why there will be no second date. Like I, and she's just I just did this get a free meal. Yeah. And oh that's fine. I was like, wow. But I think that if you have no intentions of. Not seeing them anymore. It's okay to tell them that. You may not know It's okay. Their reaction it's okay to say, you know what, this was nice, but I'm not interested.



I, and so you, if you don't make, if you don't go to bed at the end of the day it not a good day. Yeah. Because it, it's funny that Greg says that because Greg look, if I spin something, I'm gonna get something. I know you were joking. Like Beyonce, take that ass. The Red Lobster. Yeah. I think there are certain traits like that where, it's an expectation whether or not people want it or not, like people are looking for long term relationships. They also treat it as a hookup at the same time. Yep, they do. And so or they want, or they just want a free meal or they, they want a free ticket to the concert and on a second date with you, see. You gonna strike out with me? 'cause all my first dates are Dutch. If we ain't going Dutch, we ain't doing shit. Yeah. I if I think you gonna put out, I might pay for it. It's interesting. I always feel un it's unnecessary for one person to pay. I don't see the point in that, I, I don't see why it would be insulting to do a Dutch state. I don't No, go ahead. Go ahead Greg. Go ahead Greg. It's paid for the day. Pay for the Uber home. It's now some people still believe that whoever invited. Whoever addition to the date, that's the person that pay. That's exactly what, if you ask me. That's cute. If you ask me. People still, some people feel like if Swag asked me on a date, people going feel like swag should pay because he asked me on a date, and that goes back to heteronormative too. If you ask the woman out, you pay, that's where that all comes from too. Now if that's the case, if somebody was to ask me out, I'm not under the assumption that they're gonna pay for, I'm under the assumption they're probably gonna pay for it all. But at the same time, I got my own money just in case they don't, when the check comes, yes, I'll look at it and they'll pull out their card and I'll probably throw 10 or whatever, $10 down, or 15, something like that.



So getting back to the topic of our responsibility to. This person or to the next person, this person dates, right? Let's just say the date is awful. The person makes you feel uncomfortable, maybe unsafe, maybe. They just really are I don't know, just something is really off. Not just I'm not interested, but something really is wrong with you. They saying they pick they nose at the table, dirty fingernails, something like that. Yeah. Maybe even worse than that, how would you to be made responsible for the next person? I, you're not responsible. I think there's I don't know if I am, but I'm just kind thinking. I, and I remember one time I had one day back when I was in Virginia, and the guy was on his phone the whole entire time that we had. Oh hell, I'm getting up and I'm just sitting there like trying to hack it up. I'm like, so in my mind I'm going, okay, so what was even the point of this? Why am I here? Why are we here? And then when I got up and I said, you know what? I'm gonna go and I, and I paid for my, but I was gonna pay for your meal. Why you leaving? Sir, you were on your fucking phone. I don't owe you, I don't you shit. Asking them people you talking to on the phone to pay for this damn invite. I'm gone. Yeah. I think that's probably the best, like to. Actually in the moment understand what the gentleman was talking about. Like how can you be responsible if you on a date with this person that doesn't work out. How am I responsible for the next person? What? Like I'm not gonna be like, like the girlfriend, what was it? Ang, he had a dog. Girl. She was on the bit. Oh, teacher Campbell character. Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean was a simple thing. Like you were saying that maybe this person is just unaware of what he's doing to make people uncomfortable, whatever it may be. And all you really is required of you something that's not even like a heavy lift is just to say what it is. Because they're unaware of it. No. No, and no, because first of all, that is a, that is getting into a conversation that now the buck stops with, we won't be going out again. And I'm not going to get into, 'cause he may take it as a character assassination. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Or he may take it wrong, and then I gotta shift. Yeah. You already don't feel safe with this person saying it. Then I gotta, I this nigga, you know what I. Debacle. If you're not having a good, it is just like a relationship. If you, if the relationship is not good on any level, you don't owe the other person anything to give them an exit card. Hey, how was the relationship? An exit interview was like, okay, how was the relationship for you, John? Did your kitchen, did I make you come? X, Y, Z? Oh God, we careful survey. Lemme tell you why, because I that took it personally. Fucker came to your house to get the last of you, and he got to get the last of his shit. He was like, you know what pisses me off about you? I said, ain't nobody asked you nothing. I didn't ask you. And then he just went on you this and you that, and you this and you that. And before I knew it, we was scrapping. You know what I'm saying? Because you're not gonna come in my house. I didn't ask you for an exit interview. I don't need you with your opinion of me, because at the end of the day, that situation is for the person that's saying it. It has nothing to do about the person they're saying it to. It is a. Malicious B with it is wrought with the wrong intent. And it and what I mean by that is that you are saying it. So what, so just like somebody, it's like that people's opinions are me. People love me, people hate me. Depends on who you ask. You know what I mean? But what the, this sex person is, Greg is eh, or you could be a Greg cheerleader. It depends. But your opinion Yeah. Is not gonna change. No, I think one of the points he was getting at and something that we talk about all the time or some of these warped opinions that people have about dating. Yep. Or the reality or whatever. And I think the point I was getting at, if not us, then who who is going to teach these people how to treat another human being? 'cause at this point, the. The ship has sailed, like as far as parenting is concerned and yeah, we're not parenting you. I dunno if your friends will teach you because you're probably pick friends who agree with you. 'cause that's how, that's what we do. Yeah. But at the same time too with us being gay men, we don't really have a prior experience to dating. We didn't date, we don't, some of us don't get to date in our teenage years because we have to be back in the day, we had to be closeted because telling your, telling your parents or telling your family your friends is, it was a hard thing. Yeah. Unlike, straight people who are like maybe 15, 16 and above that can go on dates or whatever and get advice from their parents. We couldn't do that. We had to wait till we was 18 out the house on our own to even go on a real proper date. Make good point there because we also don't have any role models. That's, there's not usually somebody that is in our family that we can model, see oh, this is what life is like with two men together. This is like what life is like with two women who live together. So yeah, there's that too. I, yeah I don't know if you wanna call it a date, but I took Tyrone to the arcade and we had chili dog and then weed in his backyard. Is that not a No, I'm serious. The took me out. I was like, okay, but I get it. I do. But he was liking me and like I said, we went to the arcade and we had chili dogs. And when we walked back home, he said, my mama not here. And we went in the backyard and yeah, our clothes were on, by the way, we wasn't, our boat was. Tyron a beating. How old were you when you went on the first date? Me, Malcolm, me maybe 15. John. When did you learn to do the chili dogs? After the hunch again, we didn't take off our clothes. It was a dry hunch. You say hunch, right? So Michael, at 15, you went out with another little boy? No, I was, I went with a woman. A girl. The first day we went to a movie. You and the dude, how old were you When I first dated a guy? Like an actual real date. I was probably, maybe like 25. Yes. See? That is very, I never thought about that until somebody just said it. Like, when there's no blueprint, there is no this shit. No, it's not 19. You know what the fuck we're doing. Yeah. It was yeah, now that's what I'm saying. That's just, I think a lot of us just don't know what the fuck we're doing. And even now we have a lot of just ignorance and like I said, that's been the thrust of a lot of the content that I've created for M three was about like educating, but also trying not to be preachy about it, but yeah, a lot of people need that sort of info about what the fuck to do and what's not true. So much bullshit that just permeates people's minds.

I don't know. Anyway, but do we have any comments or questions? We'll move on. Yeah, we do. Hold on. It says John on on, on the da, on dating, going Dutch. Break your old card. Yeah. Oh, John, rich John. Dollar tips. How you doing? Make sure you are mentally prepared to go on a date with somebody. Yes. That's facts. Facts. And it's, and a date does not mean a three minute ramen noodle, five minute microwave relationship, either. It's called a date for a reason. Okay. At the end of the day, you are not together. You are not in a relationship. It's, it was just a date. Okay. Yeah. It's not instant noodles. Okay. You can't put requirements for it to be good. Okay. The universal, we know a lot of people do that. Yeah. Yeah. I ran into a couple, I'm just like. Nah, it ain't for me.



The universe will ultimately bear the responsibility given enough one date only interactions. The person will learn to question their behavior. Okay? Possibly, yeah, possibly. You should evolve. Yeah. Eventually someone will be like, maybe it's me. Maybe it lean. That's what I like. Boo though. Yagi says facts. He's laughing at somebody's comment. And sometimes you have to be prepared to be the villain, as in someone else's story. You know what? You were right. I'll gladly be the villain to protect my peace. I assure the that's what we were talking about. One time I would be the villain. If it protects my piece, I would be, I look, I would turn into Venom Baltimore real quick. I surely, oh yeah. I was all those things. Just vanquishing everybody. Huh? So it's all good. I don't care

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