Efficiency, Integrity, and Markers of Indemnity

M3 Bearcast Episode 95 Efficiency, Integrity, and Markers of Indemnity

Welcome to the M3 BearCast, hosted by Malcolm Travers. The Male Media Mind  is a grassroots organization dedicated to uplifting and unifying the community through dialogue, insight, creativity, and knowledge. In this deep-dive episode, Malcolm moves beyond the surface-level discussions of his YouTube live streams to provide rigorous "bullshit testing" on trending topics from TikTok and social media.

Joined by a candid panel, Malcolm explores the intersection of personal responsibility, systemic pressures, and the evolving landscape of 2026. This episode tackles the heavy hitters: from the "epidemic" of AI in classrooms to the complex social capital of "DL" culture.

Key Discussion Points:

• The AI "Cheating" Epidemic: A breakdown of why nearly 40% of students are turning to AI. Malcolm and the panel shift the perspective from individual "laziness" to a systemic view of "efficiency and optimization" in a box-checking academic culture.
• Privacy Under Siege: A sobering look at the Department of Homeland Security and ICE’s intrusion into medical exam rooms, creating a public health crisis by eroding patient-doctor trust for detainees.
• The Paradox of Elite Goods: A lighthearted but insightful look at why billionaires like Elon Musk and Beyoncé still use the same Charmin and Sweet Baby Ray’s as everyone else—and why "time" is the only true luxury.
• The Humble Male Ego: A reflection on the "typical male" struggle to admit when a partner has a better idea or when it's time to ask for directions.
• Education as Liberation vs. Pride in Ignorance: Addressing the tragic trend of rejecting expertise and the historical context of knowledge as a tool for freedom.
• The Nuance of "DL" Culture: A mature conversation on the "interrogation" of male sexuality, the social capital of a straight identity, and why many men choose to remain in the closet.
• Is It Ever Too Late? Confronting the "trauma-aligned excuse" that the door has closed on dreams of travel, family, or career as we hit middle age.

Join the Community & Support the Movement

If you value these deep dives into communication, community, and mental health, join the Male Media Mind family across all platforms:

• YouTube: youtube.com/malemediamind2
• Instagram: @malemediamind
• Facebook: Male Media Mind
• TikTok: @malemediamind
• Blue Sky: @malemediamind
• X (formerly Twitter): @malemediamind

Support the Vision on Patreon:

Unlock exclusive access to after-shows, our private Telegram group, and the M3 Book Club by becoming a patron for just $5 a month.

👉 Visit patreon.com/malemediamind

Transcript

 M3 BearCast episode 95

M3 BearCast episode 95

Speaker 41: [00:00:00] Hello, and welcome to the M three Bear Cast. My name is Malcolm Traverse. Male Media Mind is a grassroots organization dedicated to uplifting and unifying our community through dialogue, insight, creativity, and knowledge. And on this podcast, I go into greater detail on the issues that I bring up on my live streams on YouTube.

Those are usually around communication, community, relationships, spirituality, and mental health. I gather videos from TikTok, YouTube, and my algorithm usually has a lot of coaches, uh, therapists, content creators, talking about these issues. And I have a panel that bullshit tests a lot of these topics. Um, and a lot of them are just off the top of their head.

But in this podcast, I try to go into more detail about the discussions that we had. My thinking about the reasons I chose those videos.

Speaker 42: So in this episode, I have a video [00:01:00] discussing the. Epidemic of ai, cheating in college and academic settings,

the slippery slope that ICE is setting for detainees, intruding on the privacy of their healthcare.

The paradox of how elites use some of the same goods that average people use.

The humbling of the male ego when in relationship with women.

How education is a liberation, and yet people take pride in their ignorance.

The continuation of DL culture and why men with ambiguous sexual identities choose to remain in the closet.

And why some people choose to believe it's too late to do the things that they have dreamed about their li in their lives as they grow older.

Speaker 41: So the verse video is from a content creator who talks about AI cheating, and he is a doctor. He talks a lot about personal [00:02:00] development, and he's just talking about how AI cheating has become an epidemic in academia, nearly 40% of all students are. Using AI to cheat on their exams or to write their papers.

And it really means that we're gonna have to rethink education and restructure the way that actually education is formed. And in the clip I talk about how really.

How sometimes we want to lay the responsibility for this cheating at the foot of the students, but when we take a broader perspective, it only makes sense that a certain amount of students are going to take advantage of the tools are that are at their disposal. They're cheap, they're ubiquitous, they work.

And when in a pinch, you know, using the materials to pass a class that you would fail does mean that you're being robbed of the education and the ability to [00:03:00] learn from failure. But it also means you get to move on to another class. And it's just almost like an efficiency thing. And so universities. Are going to have to learn how to educate their students with the presence of ai.

So here's that clip.

Speaker: Let's see. 

Speaker 6: Cheating with AI is rampant in universities. In high schools, people are just using ai. There are all these AI detectors. Sometimes an AI detector falsely detect something. Teachers and professors are just getting demolished because it's something like 40% of their class uses ai. And so I thought this was super cool because this professor is like, I'm gonna go to a cheating subreddit, and I'm gonna ask y'all instructor here, why?

It seems like y'all are bright, bright and you have clearly spent a lot of time thinking through the cheating process. Why not just do your fucking assignments? Many of us see cheating not only as an academic dishonesty, but a personal affront. Why are y'all doing this? I love this response. It's pretty wild that people think they're beating the [00:04:00] system when they're just scamming themselves outta the one thing they're actually paying for, which is the ability to handle pressure and master a subject.

One student mentioned that they're too afraid to fail, but the reality is that by cheating, you have already failed. The most important test, which is building the discipline to show up and do the work when things get hard, if you get a degree without actually learning the material, you're basically walking into the workforce slash world with a fake map and no compass.

And I was like, damn, that guy's. Right? So why do people do this? Cheating is probably one of the best ways to rise to financial prominence and success in the world. And so I think if you're a professor and you want to know why do students cheat, it's because it's one of the most effective tactics. Think about what cheating is.

It's getting the fruits of labor without the labor. You know what we call that when we work in corporate efficiency? Optimization. Minimizing the denominator. Maximizing the numerator. And the only time it's a problem is when you're stupid enough to get caught. Now I wanna be clear about something.

Oftentimes when you explain a phenomenon, people think you are [00:05:00] advocating for it. I'm not. So, I am of the mind that you should do things. Honestly, I'm of the mind that hard work does pay off. So let's be clear about how successful cheating is. So if you want a reliable way to get into the top 25th percentile of success, then cheating is not the way to do it.

If you wanna do a good job, you wanna become a doctor. I don't think you should cheat. I think the majority of doctors do not cheat. But just because I don't think it's good, doesn't mean it isn't fucking effective. There's a big difference between what is right and is wrong and what works and what doesn't work.

These are completely independent axes that many people have trouble separating. So please God, do not think I'm advocating cheating. 

Speaker: Yeah. So I think what this demonstrates to me is this idea of the, um, individual motives versus larger systems thinking. And this is one of the things I keep running into, is that I start thinking in systems a lot more than individual.

You know, polls. So if you're thinking on the individual, a student is sitting [00:06:00] down and you know their impulse to use AI to pass a class that they have no, you know, business passing, 

Speaker 5: right? 

Speaker: Um. You know, they, you could say that they have weak will, that they're cheating themselves, that they're, you know, whatever may be like, and those are all true.

Like you were saying, like on an individual level, I understand what cheating is. Wrong on a systems level. It honestly doesn't make sense that a large percentage of people would not be taking advantage of this loophole. You know, like when you ask people to do a task that your computer or program that sits on your computer can do in five minutes.

Mm-hmm. Why are you spending two hours on something that, you know, something on your computer can do in five minutes? It just doesn't make sense. Like, especially if really all you're trying to do is punch a stamp, check a box. Right. You know? Mm-hmm. Because a lot of times people, that's exactly why they go to college.

It's not to learn, it is to get the degree, you know? 

Speaker 3: Right. 

Speaker: And so, like you're saying, so if you're [00:07:00] paying for the degree and not for the education, cheating kind of makes sense, especially considering like there are certain classes that AI will not help you with, so that gives you more time to work on those classes.

So not only do you get a good grade in the class to cheat on, you probably raise your grade in the other classes that you can now spend more time on. 

Speaker 5: Yeah. 

Speaker: And so I think teachers and educators are gonna have to start rethinking about the way that they run their classes. And I've, I've noticed this too.

Um, it's been a while since I've been in school. I just realized like, it's been 25 years. But, but yeah. No, like it's, it's really gonna have to change the way people, they, like, people are having to do, um, oral exams. 

Speaker 5: Mm-hmm. 

Speaker: You know, um, yeah. Just literally just come to my office, we're gonna sit down for 30 minutes, I'm gonna ask you questions about stuff.

Right. And you're gonna talk to me about it, and I'm gonna grade you on, you know, how good your answers are. 

Speaker 3: Right. That's Rush. And all these colleges have, um, they have software that they can use to detect traces of AI being used [00:08:00] and like papers and things like that. So, yeah. Um, yeah. 

Speaker: Is there, 

Speaker 3: you know, I, I, I hate to say it, but like, my niece was having some problems with like a test and she couldn't do it, so I'm just like, well, I can do it for you and then just tell you the answer.

So, you know, I mean, there are ways around it, but, you know, I mean, she doesn't rely on it for everything. Uh, but like, I mean, I get it, it's like sometimes you just need a little help and, you know. Yeah. All among us can say that. Like, we've never just kind of, you know, found a little loophole to just like, you know, well, you know, I've been doing good, but, you know, I just, I, I can't fail.

Like, you know. Yeah. Lemme just, lemme just get this, get this. At least lemme get a B. Like, you know, I might, I might not get an A, but at least I can get a B and just be like, okay, that's good. I'm good with that. 

Speaker: Because it's, it's getting worse, right? Like, as the, um, as the models get better. You know, their ability to complete these tasks are getting better.

Um, they're gonna be on your phones. Um, like I was telling you, the new Samsungs have Google built in or they basically have the Gemini built into it. 

Speaker 5: Right. 

Speaker: And you know, like you could just point your phone at it or God forbid your glasses, you know, it can be built into your glasses and it can tell you to answer right to you, like in, in the classroom.

You know [00:09:00] what I'm saying? Yeah. Like 

Speaker 5: mm-hmm. 

Speaker: So you, they're gonna have to come up with something else. And it's not, I, I don't know, it is their fault for cheating, but it is also the fault of the institution for not finding a way around it. Like, it's way too easy.

Speaker 41: So. In this clip, it is a doctor who talks about debunking medical myths, but this one, he's actually talking about something that's currently happening due to the crackdown of the Department of

Homeland Security, ice and Border Control with its rounding up of people who are brown. People who may be in the country illegally and are in custody with federal agents. Now, it should be noted that not everybody who is in custody with federal agents should be in custody. May, may not have seen a judge yet.

They may be in the country legally, but just haven't been released yet. [00:10:00] And so a lot of times some of these people have health concerns. That they have to be taken to the hospital to treat and they aren't given any privacy. You know, the people are, the ice agents are in the room with the doctor interacting with the doctor, and they are not allowed the privacy to make difficult decisions about their healthcare.

And that is a really dangerous president to, to set because at any time, um. These rights, if they're not being afforded to people in federal custody because of their immigration status, it means that any of us who may be in custody by federal agents for some other reason or um, suspected of a crime, will, you know, have no rights to privacy of their medical.

Um. Decisions. And it is, uh, an interesting conundrum to say the least. Uh, here's the video.

Speaker 9: Never be a federal agent in a medical exam room. But over the past few months while working in the [00:11:00] hospital, I've had multiple ICE agents sitting in the room while I talk to my patients. Not outside the hospital, not in the hallway. In the room. My name's Dr. Joel, the medical MythBuster.

And today let's talk about ICE hospitals and why this is becoming a public health issue. Twice in one week, I took care of patients transferred from ICE detention centers, and both times ICE agents stayed in the room, listening, taking notes, even sometimes interjecting that immediately raised concerns for me.

Concern about privacy, consent and the power dynamics at play, especially when language barriers were involved. So I looked into the law, but what I found wasn't clarity. There are clear protections for patient privacy under hipaa. There are longstanding norms about hospitals being sensitive areas, but what I found is there's far less legal clarity when someone is already in federal custody.

And being given medical care and ambiguity is where harm often lies. And unfortunately, this isn't isolated over the past few weeks, reporting out of Minnesota has documented ICE agents in hospitals, specifically in patient care areas. [00:12:00] Doctors and nurses there are describing an environment where patients are delaying care, rationing medications, or avoiding the hospital altogether to avoid immigration enforcement.

That's the moment that stops being a political debate. It becomes a public health issue. Hospitals rely on trust. Patients have to be safe enough to feel like they can literally divulge so the most vulnerable information of their life. When enforcement enters that space, it fundamentally changes that interaction, and it doesn't just impact undocumented patients.

It impacts everyone when we start to have to wonder whether care comes with consequences. So when we talk about ice, we can't just limit conversations to borders or detention centers. We have to ask what happens when enforcement enter spaces that are meant for healing? What does that do to already eroding trust to outcomes, to those who feel safe enough to seek care at all?

This isn't just about immigration policy. It's about whether healthcare remains a place of care, whether it becomes another site of surveillance. 

Speaker: Hmm. [00:13:00] Yeah. I think the interesting part about it is, is that it is that, um, this is truly one of those slippery slopes that, uh, conservatives love to talk about, but like, when you get comfortable not caring about whether or not you protect someone's, you know.

Patient confidentiality. 

Speaker 41: So the next video is kind of funny. It is really just making you think about how rich people can buy almost anything. And yet some things they buy are just like the things that we. Um, and he's talking about things like toilet tissue, toothpaste, coke, barbecue sauce. You know, like some of these items.

There may be premium versions of these items. Like there are, you know, really fancy vegan cheesecakes that you can buy at a, a whole foods that costs like $20, but there isn't like a super duper vegan. Toilet tissue, you know, there's the good charman, but you know, the good charman might be used by a billionaire and by [00:14:00] a wage worker.

You know, like it, this, it just interesting how economics of scale sometimes affords the best quality items to the poorest people. Uh, here's that conversation.

Speaker 10: Do rich people have elite versions of mundane things? Toothpaste, tampons, toilet paper, laundry detergent, or our Elon Musk and Beyonce just using Crest and Tampas like the rest of us? I think the answer fascinating because it seems to be no.

All of the replies to this, everyone you talk to who has been in the home of somebody with nine figure net worth will say it's just the same stuff in that Reddit thread you saw over and over that billionaires seem to be obsessed with getting their stuff from Costco. And it's funny because when you see billionaires get photographed drinking Coca-Cola, lots of people assume this is staged, that they make sure it's in the photo to make themselves seem like regular, relatable people.

But that's really not true. And it says something very interesting about [00:15:00] how the economy works because obviously if a nurse or a mechanic says they bought a boat and a billionaire says they bought a boat, they are talking about two radically different things. Likewise, there is liquor that does in fact cost $5,000 a bottle.

There are restaurants where it will cost $20,000 for your family to eat there. But if you get on the billionaire's yacht and you go into the bathroom, the toilet paper is just Charmin or whatever. Now it probably is the good version of it, but they don't have some specific billionaire version of this product.

Yeah. Now to be clear, I do not doubt that somebody out there does manufacture some gold-plated toilet paper or some $300 a can cola, but those products are not better than what the rest of us are using, and the only people who would buy them are doing it as a gimmick. Just to show off, there's a famous quote from artist Andy Warhol about this saying, the thing about a Coca-Cola is no one can get a [00:16:00] better version of it.

The homeless guy on the corner and the president of the United States are drinking the exact same product. And yeah, when Mark Zuckerberg grills, he's using the exact same sweet baby raised barbecue sauce that I can get at Kroger. The difference as people in this thread pointed out is that at that level of wealth, the stuff never runs out.

They have a staff, so the toilet paper roll never even gets down to the end. You come in every day and there's just a fresh new roll on there. You have a stack of fresh, clean towels in your bathroom at all times. Nice. They're just always there. The sheets on their bed may just be the kind of high quality set you could get at Pottery Barn or somewhere, but every night they go to bed in a set of fresh, clean sheets that someone else has quietly put on there because the real everyday luxury at that level of wealth is time.

They may use a lot of the same stuff, but they don't have to devote any time to thinking about it. 

Speaker: But that was funny. It was like, you know, this [00:17:00] Beyonce and Elon Musk used Charman and Crest 

Speaker 3: and pacs. Like, oh my God, I don't wanna 

Speaker: think about that. It's really kind of funny though when you think about it, like, um, the things that when you really almost have an endless amount of money, you're using the same stuff that we do for the most part.

And, um, yeah, 

Speaker 7: I've, I've seen, I've seen Teslas, Mercedes, rolls Royce is at Aldi's, so Yes, they all 

Speaker: go to the same, like you said, the rich people actually prefer, um, going to Costco because you can buy a whole bunch, you know, 

Speaker 3: they shop at bid locks too, right? 

Speaker: It's the deal. 

Speaker 3: Mr. Taylor says, well, Charman is wonderful.

Speaker: That's the point, is that you can't really do much better than that. 

Speaker 41: So in this conversation we were just talking about the male ego and how sometimes it's a stereotype for a reason. Um, men are oftentimes unlikely to ask for help because it is a sign of weakness, or at least it feels like weakness. To admit that [00:18:00] they don't know something that they feel like they should.

Um, in particular, um, this person talks about how he had to recognize that his wife is better at some things than he is and to submit to her expertise on certain items. And that can be rough. Um, that can be humbling. And for some men that can be very difficult. It is great to admit to it. To let it go and to grow as a person, recognizing that it was difficult, it's okay to recognize it was difficult, especially if you are being gracious about it now.

Okay, here's the video.

Speaker 16: It's hard to go from a single man and you're making your own decisions and you're kind of paving your own way and you're thinking about how the movement's gonna be and what they gonna look like. And then now you have this other thinking, living, breathing, viable source under the same roof, not just under your roof.

Joined at the hip. 

Speaker 5: Mm-hmm. 

Speaker 16: Just as motivated as you, just as productive as you [00:19:00] just as. Accountable is you. Sometimes those ideas are just better than mine. 

Speaker 5: Mm-hmm. 

Speaker 16: Imagine having to learn and be able to be like, yeah, you're right. That's the hardest hurdle I think I've had to deal with in at times.

Acknowledging that sometimes my wife idea is just better than mine in the moment, you know? So we have to be able to roll with those adjustments. Going to the maturity, going to the adjustments in the, the phase that we in in life right now. It's equally important that we surround ourselves with the word like-minded.

Speaker 17: Mm-hmm. 

Speaker 16: Meaning some of these new adjustments and sacrifices everybody finna have to make at the house. 

Speaker: Know. It was funny, I always, um, thought of, it was funny, my dad fell into this, uh, I don't know, stereotype about men who always get lost, you know? Oh yeah. Like we, like we can be on a car trip and we're supposed to be going somewhere [00:20:00] and we, you know, we can't, this is of course before any kind of like GPS or anything.

Um, and we used to do a lot of like camping up in like, um, north Illinois and Wisconsin and stuff, and we go driving and we were like, you know, this is not the way, this is not the way you're supposed to go. And he could not. Take, he took it as a personal insult. Yeah. If someone told him that he was going the wrong way, you know, um, and he just kept going in that direction until like an hour into it.

It's like, I don't know where the fuck I'm, 

Speaker 3: you know, been driving since I've been driving since before you was even a, a thought in my nuts. You think you gonna tell me where I'm going? Boy. Yeah. I hate that. Mm-hmm. 

Speaker: So, I think the funny thing is, we as a family grew to understand that we were gonna get lost and we kind almost, we almost kind of just like, you know what?

We're gonna see something new this time, every time we see. So we're gonna go somewhere we've never been before and we're gonna get lost and we eventually we will find our way. Eventually [00:21:00] his pride will break. 

Speaker 5: Mm-hmm. 

Speaker: And he will break down and ask for directions. It's such a typical male thing. Right. I think in that video he was just talking about it like, you know, about how painful it sounded in his voice to like admit that, you know, my wife sometimes has good ideas.

Ooh. That part, like sometimes she's right. Mm-hmm. That is like, for some men, the hardest thing to do. I don't get it, but I get it. 

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm. 

Speaker: Like it is such a male thing. 

Speaker 3: It is, 

Speaker: it's, but yeah. At least he's admitting it, 

Speaker 41: We all say that knowledge is power, and yet I think some people revel in their ignorance. I remember. Sometimes there are people who will just say they don't believe in experts. The death of expertise is a real thing where, um, they say they learned something on TikTok or, uh, they, they will proudly say they don't read books or that, you know, certain things are propaganda [00:22:00] to say education is propaganda and things like that.

Um. It is really sad. I remember reading the book James, by Personal Everett, and it was specifically around the themes of education as liberation that, uh, Jim, you know, it is the retelling of the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn from Jim's point of view. And one of the things that he was hiding throughout the book and throughout the story was how educated he was.

He had taught himself how to read. Uh, he was having conversations in his mind with philosophers and was making himself appear to be ignorant. And it was, it was kind of just a tale about how, um, to have freedom, you have to set your mind free first. And it is really sad that people are. Reveling in their ignorance.

It is, uh, you know, it, it truly is a sad thing. So here is the video that we discussed.

Speaker 18: as a black astrophysicist, somebody [00:23:00] that has worked from ground zero to get through the highest levels of education and academia, get a PhD, it pains me so much to see how much people in the community still reject education.

And here, and here's why I say this specifically as a black man, up until the past several decades. They have intentionally kept black people from in education intentionally. Back when slavery was around, you couldn't teach a slave to read. You could not teach a black person to read because they knew that people that were educated, that if black people were educated, they would not be easy to control.

It would not be easy to keep leverage on them, right? For the entirety of the time. In human history where we have known about reading and writing and information, there is this colloquial term that knowledge is power. It's like [00:24:00] for the entirety of humanity, we have known that educating yourself, getting knowledge, knowing things is the way that you ascend.

It's the way that you keep yourself from being exploited is gaining knowledge and to see the sheer number of people who, at a time where you can educate yourself, you can get the best information that's available online for free right now. After you scroll off this video, whatever the best scientific information is that's available, you can have access to it immediately.

And there's still people that rejected outright. It just is sad to see because for so long they did it to us and now there's almost a sense of pride in doing it to ourselves. 

Speaker: I'm sorry, what 

Speaker 3: did he say? I wasn't paying 

Speaker: Well, you know what? One of the things I discovered though, is that most like, you know, universities, even like private universities, say like [00:25:00] Harvard, you know, offer their courses for free on YouTube.

Like you can get their syllabus, you can get the book, you can follow along, you can take the classes. It's like, it is amazing that you can have a top tier education if you're free. 

Speaker 41: So something that comes up on our live streams a lot is this idea of, of DL men. It comes up a lot. There was this, um, content creator called the DL Whisperer, and he would point out really bogus things about, um, men to say that they were secretly gay and women with, uh, be in their comments section. Just, you know, asking if so and so my, my boyfriend or my husband is secretly gay and there seems to be like.

Even in 2026, this, uh, desire to, um, to interrogate the sexuality of straight appearing men. Now, with that isn't to say that certain people who appear to be straight, who identify as straight also have sex with men. This is a thing, and it is, you know, a [00:26:00] chicken and egg issue, right? Because there's so much interrogation of men's sexuality.

So much, um, negative consequences both socially and

emotionally. Uh, there are plenty of men who hide the fact that they have or may have some sort of desire to have sex with men. And so, uh, you know, I was just asking our audience how do we feel as gay men about. Other men who are in the closet.

Speaker 8: The culture of homophobia and them being mad at men for being in the closet is a very special type of illogical to me. My gosh. 'cause I think what's really interesting is I notice how often people will say homophobic things in their everyday language.

And I think it's very interesting because as a person who do, does have friends who are closeted dl, whatever you want to label the thing. Um, two things that continue to stick out to me are safety and judgment. And I think when people feel unsafe or they fear judgment, they are likely to do things to help [00:27:00] avoid those two feelings.

Um, and I think I notice it, especially with a lot of men who are not open about queer identity in any way. And I don't look at that as judgment just 'cause I think. It's hard out here. And when you look at how much people judge queer folks, um, and how unsafe it can be, um, and not just physically unsafe, but unsafe in terms of just like relationships and being able to build quality interactions.

I kind of understand. 

Speaker: So, yeah, I, I kind of brought this up 'cause we were talking about how black women be, you know, talking about the DL Whisper. Mm-hmm. Yes. How are we in relationship to DL men? Like how do you feel about them? 

Speaker 3: I mean, I understand why they're around. I mean, you know, again, because being gay in the black community is like the worst thing you can possibly be.

We do not allow people to be on the spectrum. You either have to be you, you either, you need to be straight and that's all they want you to be. You can't be anything else. Right. So I can understand [00:28:00] why DL men exist. I would like it if they felt more comfortable in being out, but I completely understand why they are the way they are, which is why Yeah.

I get into arguments every day with black women who want to be homophobic. And I keep telling them, you're part of the problem. You are part of the problem as to why DL men exist. Because you won't allow men to explore themselves living their truth in a sexual way. Exactly. You won't let them live their truth.

So if you want somebody to blame, take a look in the mirror vocation. Yeah, 

Speaker: I agree with that. 'cause I, I started to realize that, you know, I, when I ran into a few DL men recently, I would say within the past five years, um, you know, I, I had a lot more maturity about it and actually had some decent conversations with them and I realized that we're not the same.

Their perception of their sexuality is very different than mine because they still do have a strong attraction to women. You know, they don't really in think of themselves as, uh, being queer at all. This is just something exactly they do. It's something that [00:29:00] they enjoy doing. And um, and I get it kind of like, it's like you want.

You want to have your cake and eat it too kind of thing. 'cause who, who wants to have cake and just look at it. I mean, come on. Like you, I mean there's part of, it's just like I want to have the privilege of a straight identity, you know? Yes. Like I don't want to, you know, have to explain that I have sometimes suck dick or something.

Yeah. You know, whatever. 

Speaker 3: They understand there's privilege in that and 

Speaker: Yeah. 

Speaker 3: They don't want to be seen as lesser than, yeah. 

Speaker: Yeah. Totally makes sense. It's kinda like, why would you ask for a raise at work? Why would you want more money? Like of course you do. Mm-hmm. Social capital 

Speaker 7: and if they're married or dating a woman, they don't think they're cheating when they go off with a man.

Speaker: Yeah. This is something different. 

Speaker 2: Yeah. 

Speaker: Right. Because 

Speaker 2: I love my wife because, you know, to them they're still, I'm just trying to 

Speaker 7: get 

Speaker: a nut. 

Speaker 2: They're, they're still straight and married, you know? 

Speaker: Yeah, 

Speaker 7: exactly. 

Speaker: And they're doing what they need to do to stay married and stay sane. 'cause otherwise they would just break up their family.

Which, 

Speaker 7: because, but, but which [00:30:00] is also damage on both sides because it's, 

Speaker 5: yeah. 

Speaker 7: Not only the wife, but the person that you're doing the devious act with. Now they may be starting to catch feelings, but you ain't told 'em, I ain't got no feelings. Right. So now you got, so, yeah, I'm sorry. 

Speaker: Yeah. That's the problem part, is that it is possible for you to be open with everyone involved.

Right. Like it's possible, maybe not in this particular instance that your wife could be okay with you. You know, doing something on the side if that mm-hmm. Keeps their family together, um, yeah. They might not be happy about it, but they might, you know, 

Speaker 3: acquiesce because, because trust and believe some of 'em that, that still rock with women now.

She said like, you know, I just kind of want to do some stuff with my girlfriend. Oh, he'll be fine with that. They'd be like, yeah, I wanna see that. But, you know, he, he would not say, I want the same 'cause then it's the fear that like, she's not gonna want to have anything to do with him. And, and again, like, um, black, black people don't allow, bisexuality for men, for women is fine.

You know, a woman can be bisexual all day long and everybody's cool with that. The men of the dude say he's bisexual. Oh, you, you gay, you gay. [00:31:00] He's gay. 

Speaker: He's 

gay. 

Speaker: Well, that is part of privilege, right? So there's male privilege, whereas there's not necessarily female privilege. Right. It's kind of the same idea when, um, a white person has a child who's part black.

They're black, even if they look white, you know, like, 

Speaker 2: so like, uh, my girl. So Buca, I dunno if you, I dunno if you any, oh, go ahead. 

Speaker: No, I don't. No. But there, there, we were talking about this a lot of times when we're talking about other cultures and their determination of race. 'cause they usually have like much more, uh, complicated terminology to describe different race 

Speaker 3: mm-hmm.

Speaker: Categories. And not only that, the race racial categories are not like permanent, if that makes sense. Right. So if you are in like a, you know, like as one eighth, black. You know, you can still be white, you know? 

Speaker 5: Yeah. 

Speaker: Even though, um, and that's mostly like social class and things like that. So a lot of times when people come here from other countries where they still have colorism, they still understand race.

They understand that my [00:32:00] skin's browner than yours. They don't understand the idea of the permanent sub-cultural caste system that we have here. Right. Right. It's not, you can't move your way up into being white because you have a lot of money and prestige and wealth. You're always going to be black.

That's the way it works here. And in other places, that's just not the case. 

Speaker 5: Yeah. 

Speaker: You can be white and still be pretty brown skinned and, and oftentimes, I I, I was telling this to, to Greg, like if you wanna check, check the, uh, the, uh, census status in 2020 of Puerto Rico 

Speaker 5: mm-hmm. 

Speaker: It says something like 80% white.

You'll not find 80% white in Puerto Rico. No, you'll not, you'll not find that. You might find like five, 10, maybe 15% white, but it just says, tells you that like 60% of the people were brown skinned when asked, what is your race? Well, Mark White on a piece of paper because of whatever the different cultural standards are.

And it's not that they're [00:33:00] lying, it's just that it's a different context. Mm. Our context is fucked up and we are expecting that other people are gonna understand our fucked up system, you know? 

Speaker 5: Yeah. 

Speaker: Um, anyway, just like slavery was something different in the American context, right? Like when people talk about the fact that Africans sold other Africans from other tribes to Europeans, they didn't understand the idea that this person wasn't gonna be able to not be a slave someday.

They didn't recognize that white people had a whole different concept of slavery. 

Speaker 5: Mm-hmm. 

Speaker: They're just, you know, making the most of a political victory. 'cause that's what they did. You know, they sold their enemies to the other tribes and stuff like that. Um, not realizing like you're in condemning them in all their children in perpetuity forever to a lower class state of being. 

Speaker 41: And my last topic is about things that we may feel are too late for us as we age. Um, you know, a [00:34:00] lot of my audience and my panelists. Are in their fifties. I am 45. I'm getting into the, uh, middle age, middle, middle age, older, older, middle age. It's something to think about, like, um, things that you have desire to do all your life.

Um, do you feel like now is now or never? Or are things getting too late? Are you giving up on certain dreams even though you really still want to do them? And is this some sort of. Coping mechanism to make yourself feel better, even though ultimately, you know, it's not too late. So here is a video from a, uh, therapist who works with gay men, and he was specifically talking about, uh, why it's not too late,

Speaker 21: Gaze. Let's talk about thinking that it's too late because it's quietly wrecking your chance at a real life. I'm Brian, a gay therapist working with gay men. A lot of you're living like the door already closed and it's too late to find love. It's too late to change your body or your habits or your health.

It's too late to start over. It's too late to be chosen. It's too late to want [00:35:00] more than just living in survival. And for some reason you're not arguing with that story. You're just obeying it. You date people who almost meet you. You stay in situations that are fine, but actually dead. You call resignation a kind of maturity.

You're confusing giving up with being realistic. So let me be clear here. It's too late is not wisdom. It's a trauma aligned excuse and it's living in your nervous system. It's what happens when your nervous system is exhausted from years of loss of delay and pretending you didn't want what you absolutely wanted.

So you're making a deal with yourself. If I convince myself that the story is over, I won't risk being disappointed ever again. And that belief absolutely does protect you. It also robs you because when you decide it's too late, you stop showing up fully. You stop asking for what you want, you stop tolerating the discomfort required for real change.

You built an entire life around avoidance, and you call it peace, or you [00:36:00] call it zen. Meanwhile, time is passing by and that's painful. So here's your next right. Action. Catch yourself. The next time you say it's too late, hear what you're actually saying. You're saying, I'm scared to hope again, and don't shame yourself.

But don't let that thought ruin your life. Either. Your life is not over. It's not too late, but you may have stopped participating. So if this sounds like you, let me know what you think in the comments. 

Speaker: So is there anything you've, uh, think is too late to do in your life thus far? 

Speaker 3: Have children? 

Speaker: I thought about that too.

Yeah. You know, the funny thing is my dad was 50 when I was born, so mm-hmm. Wow. Yeah. No, yeah. I'm, I'm good. I'm 

Speaker 5: good. 

Speaker: Yeah. 

Speaker 7: I, I don't, I'm not gonna dismiss it. It's not something that I'm looking for, but if it happens or if the opportunity presents itself, I'm not gonna shy away from it. So, 

Speaker: yeah. Is there [00:37:00] anything that you feel like is on a ticking clock?

Like, you know, time's running out, um,

Speaker 3: travel. I like, I, I really would like to like, go abroad and do more traveling before, you know, before you get to that age where it's like, oh, everything hurts and you don't want do a lot of walking and all this kind other kind of stuff, so,

Speaker: yeah. Yeah. 

Speaker 3: I do want to do a little bit more traveling before I 

Speaker 7: Yeah.

Speaker 3: You know, 

Speaker 7: I, that ain't gonna stop me if I want to see it, put me in a damn wheelchair and wheel me around. 

Speaker: Well, you'd be surprised that this technology, like in 20 years they're gonna have like jet packs. You're gonna be flying around. 

Right? 

Speaker 7: Well, 

Speaker: that's true. You can be fucking Xavier floating wheelchairs, believe it or not, I did actually see a wheelchair that you can stand up in.

Speaker 7: Mm-hmm. 

Speaker: So it has bionic legs. Mm-hmm. It'll move your legs for you and 

Speaker 7: mm-hmm. I, I would say for me, I, I just don't have enough finances to do what I want. Yeah. So that would be my only crutch is 

Speaker: Yeah. 

Speaker 7: The finances and then [00:38:00] balancing with the time to do it, so. 

Speaker: Right. That's, yeah. No, it's real though. I think it's kind of getting real with yourself about what it is and.

Saying it's too late. It is just, um,

Speaker 7: an excuse. 

Speaker: Yeah, it's an excuse. Right. And comfort over conviction is real. I mean, like, it is, uh, it's hard out here,

shit. And let's be real. And news 

Speaker 41: and that'll do it for our. This is 95th episode of the M three Bear Cast. Uh, if you have made it this far, uh, you should consider becoming a patron. Go to patreon.com/mail beauty mind. Uh, there for $5 a month. You can get access to our after shows for our live streams, our telegram groups, uh, our book club.

Um. You know, we're always looking for new ways to thank our patrons. Um, if you just wanna support us for free, consider finding us on social media. Go to youtube.com/mail Media Mind two or Mail Media Mind on Facebook or Instagram. Uh, share our post comment, engage. It always helps the algorithm. [00:39:00] And, uh, again, thank you for listening and I will catch you in the next episode piece.